Crime and Age

Yesterday my world crumbled.  I got too tired and let the boogie man in.  I allowed discouragement to take over and then wallowed in it.  Sometimes it happens.

Also, the woman who abandoned cats in some apartments came by again to claim a cat inside my house is her cat. Of course it isn't.  I reminded her she was not to come onto my property.  She played victim, then turned vicious as she did the last time.  I tried to help her at one point and there was my downfall.  She used that and turned out to be one of those people who can scare you to death because they are really really nuts, manipulative of truth, and perhaps their insanity is caused by drug use, which is even scarier.

I couldn't find my phone to call the police and photograph the car they come in, her and her boyfriend.   I was shaking afterwards for an hour, relocking doors, assembling weapons I might need, I feared, for defense, and cursing myself for ever trying to help her.

In my disgust, I almost dumped the nonprofit application.  Why help people?  I only ended with lots of cats to care for, that others didn't, and fear and financial worry.  Why repeat that?   Well, because I have to, so I can care for the cats here til they die, that's why.

To top it off, an unfixed Himalayan went door to door, in the dark, spray marking everything.  I set a trap, then half hour later, quickly took it up, chiding myself "You can't be doing this, you have no money."  I put the trap away, but an unfixed male coming through stirs my cats into spray marking.

What is wrong with people around here?

Good gosh that's unfixed cat coming through my yard number 53!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE AROUND HERE?

Another misery yesterday, a woman a few blocks from here, an off and on cat woman, claims the gray and white stray I got fixed when he came into my yard two years ago, needs to go to the vet and be tested for FIV and put down if positive.  He tries hard to get her to love him even wrapping his paws around her legs.  I tried to plead his case, tried to get her to educate herself about FIV, even though it is unknown if he is positive, she especially if she's calling herself a cat helper, but when I called back, her boyfriend hung up on me immediately, as he always does.    He needs someone to love him, not someone to kill him for any little reason.  It's so sad in this town.

This morning a young Mexican was on the side of dead Jack's house, touching his feet, hopping, acting high on something, someone I'd never seen on the block before, and I came for my phone again, just in case, this time to have it at least, and he had vanished instantly and is probably on the other side of dead Jack's house now and I'll just keep watch and hope he too isn't trouble.

 My birthday, alone, isn't helping.   I think to myself something's got to give.   I know I need to cut off internet here.  Living beyond my means by having it.  I need to just do it, and I keep putting it off.  I can still check my email at the library now and then.  I wouldn't be doing photos anymore, or many blog updates, but I'd do some, and it might make fundraising very tough, but it could still be done.   Someone told me just get a tablet and use free wifi spots.  Like I have money to lay down for a tablet, or would feel comfortable hooking up somewhere, settling in, like at McDonalds' without buying at least coffee, which I can't afford either and would make cancellation idiotic.

I go back and forth because I like having it.  Like buying certain things online. Lots of people around here can't afford internet.   I'm one of them and just faking it.   But doing so is making my financial woes worse.  I need to cancel, plain and simple.

But this morning I'm having a nice cup of peppermint coffee, sent me by my sister friends, one of whom lives up in Washington state and one down in Eugene, after being awakened by Miss D.

It took ages for her to wake me, I think, according to my hazy dream memories that include Miss Daisy poking at me over and over, through chain link and computer connections, me objecting and rolling, hidden cameras and the whole thing being released on YouTube because it was on a state server involved in the Governor Kitzhaber resignation investigation and how I objected through the fog of the dream to the embarrassing release.  Here's to the groggy haze of dreams.

The sun of the warmest winter ever in Oregon is burning into my house this first day of March and the coffee is burning through my hard night's sleep. I'm waking up.

On paper, I'm seriously old.  My brain is working age backwards.  I may as well be four.