Broken Heart

 My heart has been broken for days, to watch Sam decline so fast.   I can no longer keep up on his fluids and he fought me this morning when I tried.  So I thought 'Ok Sam, have it your way."

Alexi is facing the same fate, only she is wild, and nearly the last living of the 9 cats I took in, reluctantly, being tricked into it, from the mobile home manufacturing place years and years ago.   Only Haley, Rogue and Alexi are still alive of those 9.  Now Alexi, the smallest of all  of them, is about to go.   She won't let me give her fluids, so there's not much I can do.

Slinko was in his obsessive jealousy mode today, over Sam getting more attention.  I thought I'd have to lock him in a cage, to protect Sam who is so frail now.  I'd have none of his aggression and let him know.  Sometimes I have to be the parent, so to speak, lay down the law.

The cul de sac has been exceedingly quiet over the holiday, except cars I"ve not seen before have appeared parking in front of my place.  Probably from the car lot people down at the end, but I don't know.

I have my phone turned off cause I'm just really sad.   Nobody calls me anyhow, unless its over cats and there's nothing I can do there either, without any appointments.   I have a deep resentment now towards the Portland shelter who took over the Salem shelter and obliterated the TNR spay neuter program.  It wasn't much but it was all we had down this way.   I have five appointments this month.  Now, on a good month, the trapping groups might get ten spots,  when we used to be able to do colonies.  And now we have to pay through the teeth per cat too.   It's depressing and its difficult.  My old car won't keep on going forever, to make the Portland trips to the FCCO, which are hard on me anyway.

I don't like taking cats to a vet to be euthanized.  It's awkward and horrible, for me and for the cat.   I don't like to exhibit grief in a public place in front of strangers.   I wish I had the shot myself I could give Sam.   

Well that's about it for today.