Saturday, December 15, 2012

What Do I Want for Christmas?

I don't want anything for Christmas!  I have everything I need right now.  I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear and love.

I have everything I need and more...

For instance, I find myself with four computers.  I have one my brother sent me last spring and the one that crashed before  he sent that one.  It took me months, but I got it going again.  Was a challenge that became an obsession. I thought one of my friends would want it if I fixed it.  But nobody does. That's because it is old.  Like me.  I don't know how to scrub a hard drive so I won't try to sell it.  What shall I do with it?   Well, I can take it apart, recycle what can be recycled, learn more about them in doing it. I can do that with it.  Even though I got it going and it is usable, it is still slow.

I have two laptops given me by other people who didn't want them anymore.  The latest one given me, I really like.  But there's only so much time I spend on a computer and only so much I do on a computer (check Facebook, my e-mail, read the news, keep my cat fixing records)  I upload my cats photos and videos to petfinder but I haven't had a serious adoption hit off petfinder for months and will be closing that site in June, when Poppa Inc. closes.  After that I won't even be keeping cat fixing records either.  I don't do a lot on a oomputer.  I'm sure I'm missing out on something I could be doing on a computer, and am not doing on it.

I like fixing computers though, or trying to fix them.  I don't run across people who want a used or older computer or laptop though and not knowing how to scrub a hard drive decently, well that keeps me from selling them.  I keep at least one in reserve, in case the current one crashes.  So I'll be keeping the latest laptop, and freeing myself of the older slow tower I fixed and the really old laptop soon.

I rarely watch TV anymore.  I get only a handful of channels and nothing on those channels interests me much. My TV watching has dropped off farther and farther and is now limited to news and sometimes Survivor! I do not fantasize about being a contestant on Survivor, however.  Looks like hell to me.   I don't miss not watching much TV.

I used to watch Grimm, because it is filmed in Portland, but now I can't find it at the time it used to be on, and haven't bothered to discover why it's not on at that time anymore or where it might have moved to.  And I don't miss not watching it.  30 Rock always has made me laugh so sometimes I remember to watch it.  I like comedies but not many make me laugh.  The Office used to make me laugh but it hasn't in a very long time so I quit watching it.

I have lots of books currently, but I love to read.  Once a book is read, I send it off to the Corvallis thrift store that helps fund Heartland Humane.  I get my books from thrift stores, garage sales, and library book sales.  I like curling up in bed at night with a book.  Those digital book things they sell, wouldn't last a month with me. My neighbor showed me off hers, said it saved her, when her daughter gave her that, from boredom and despair.  She's unemployed and upper middle age like me.  Has not been able to find work in two years. I lusted over that when she showed it to me, but then I flashed with reality. The cats would kill it for sure, pee on it, throw up on it, or I'd drop it, or accidentally go swimming with it.  I fall asleep with my books often.  Imagine doing that with a digital reader!  Or being out trapping trying to read one of those things and a can of tuna slops onto it.

 I'm too messy for most digital devices.  I seem to kill them quickly with my ways!

I sound like an old person set in her ways.  I am getting ancient.  I recently let a friend listen to the popping sounds my knee and ankle make.  I think she was impressed.  The noises are impressive.  What can I say?

If you think that's bad, you should see how I dress!  My wardrobe is mostly falling apart jeans that don't fit and T shirts from garage sales or free boxes.  I'm good with that too.  After all, I don't go out, rarely see people and most of my days are spent barefoot.  I like going barefoot.  I have problem feet and wearing shoes makes my right foot and leg hurt.  I'd be barefoot constantly if the weather would cooperate.

I lead a very simple life.

I used to feel guilty about being happy. And not admit to it.  Or to loving life.  But now I just enjoy it.  I can't believe my luck nights, smothered in cats, all cozy in my bed.  I know there is terrible suffering in this world.  Sometimes it seems indulgent to have what I have, a place to live, a car that runs, food to eat.  One person having all that when all over the world people suffer in horrible conditions and poverty.

I've suffered plenty in my life.  I know every circumstance is fleeting.  Health.  Housing.  Food.  I don't see anything wrong with living in the moment and being happy right now with my cozy little space.

I can't think of one darn thing I want for Christmas or need.  That's just fine by me.  Because if I have too much stuff here, it gets to me and I start getting rid of things fast.  Reminds me, I should thin out my ancient T-shirt collection.  Some are very dingy, full of holes and stained.

I know I'm very lucky.  I have a roof over my head.  My car still runs.  And I have food to eat and cats who love me.  What more could one need than that?

We don't have to have much of anything to be happy.  I didn't realize that for years.  Well, it's never too late to figure things out!

I think I figured out also that Christmas isn't really that materialistic.  People want badly to tell someone they care or have been thinking of them, and the way many people do that is to send a card or small gift at Christmas.  Those ugly sweaters you get, that don't fit, that's really love being sent your way. That's how I figure it now.

I do wish I had a ton of money to pay off mortgages for friends, set up a vet fund to provide vet care for the cats here, and make my brothers lives easier.  And I would set up a spay neuter fund so I could continue cat wrangling.   I guess I wish for some kind of a miracle so I could continue cat wrangling.

What do I want for Christmas?  Nothing!!  Nada!  Zilch.  Because I have everything I could ever want in the world already!

I love Christmas.  I love the lights, the excitement, and how people act better to others sometimes this time of year.  I love the excitement kids have, the acts of generosity and the way people get together.

The random acts of violence in our country lately, the mall shooting up in Portland, the horror that occurred yesterday in a school of all places, children slaughtered, they make me cry.

But those horrible acts of late were committed by only two people.  Two people!  The vast majority of people present during these terrible events tried to save others, help others, shield others or are people devastated in sadness now.  My heart is with them.

Here are some of my favorite things:  hot chocolate with a peppermint candy cane; cats sleeping on my face, standing on a bluff in a windstorm, singing in my car (off tune), to a favorite song with the windows rolled down, rain splattering my face, watching the leaves turn color in the fall, coming in wet and cold and taking a hot shower, coffee with a friend, walking with a friend (which I've started doing), talking to my brothers, reading a book that can't be put down, saving a cat that's been thrown out like trash, seeing my friends at various spay neuter clinics, like the Coos Bay S/nipped clinic (which causes me to go warm inside), getting a full nights' sleep, catching a very hard to catch cat, after much plotting on how to do so, and going for a swim at night in some lake, floating on my back, in the water, with my ears underwater, and staring up into the stars ...

I sure have plenty of cats.  What I DO want for Christmas, is great homes for some of them.  Like little Blueberry! Now that would be too awesome!

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