Not the Phone

It is not a phone problem. I opened up an answering machine, brand new, someone gave me a couple years back that they did not want, hooked it up along with an old touch tone phone, that connects, yes by those age old tethered lines, to the answering machine. And AM has a phone line that plugs into the wall jack.

Hey, before you ram me for my old school crap, cell minutes are expensive, terribly so and I can barely afford a few minutes on the tracfone each month. I have to have a landline.

I hope it's the jack in the wall. I mean, has to be. It's probably original with the house, a 70's jack. One of the wires maybe broke or pulled loose, because I can call out and it's clear as a bell.

The problem is if someone calls in. It rings about the length of an eighth of a normal length ring and immediately connects. I am not as speedy as a cheetah. I can't get to the a phone that spurts out an infintisimal ring faintly, then connects, bypassing the answering machine or even the odd fact I've not yet picked up the receiver. How is that for weird stuff? I think it's weird. My brother thinks so too. Everyone does, but weirdness aside, I need a working phone and currently, I don't have one.

Maybe it's someone calling me from the dead, eh? Oooooooooh. They probably didn't fix their cats before they died, feel guilty and they darn well should, even if dead. Maybe they want it done now, have come to their senses or think they'll be able to upgrade from hell if they make the arrangements. I bet the furnace gets turned up in hell for every pet someone owned they didn't fix. I bet that's it. I bet my numbers' getting passed around down there now, too. That's all I need.

EVerything has been ruled out, you see. The old phone behaved in the same manner. I thought it was the base or phone and tossed it. Everything different is connected now. Same result.

That leaves the problem located with the phone company, or, with the line between the phone box and house, or with the jack in the wall, or to aliens from outerspace messing with reception or to ghosts/goblins in the line itself, preparing for Halloween. Hahaha. Why can't they dress somewhere else?

Tonight, cross your fingers, I will replace the jack in the wall, because I can't fix a bizarre problem like this if it isn't the jack in the wall. I tremble to even think of trying to describe the problem to the phone company, because the phone company enjoys such stories and trying to make the person telling it sound nuts. I know that experience. And so do others. I know what to do now with such employees. You keep hanging up until an employee answers who gives a shit about his job and listens.

Sadly, replacing the jack didn't do one bit of good. I have no idea what is going on. I bet it is the in house line. Weather has changed, something shrunk or broke or something.

There were two lines off the box when I moved in. One was dead. It ran two jacks. The second seemed ok, although crackly now and then. It's probably original too. Probably need a new line, gosh darn it. That isn't easy, because the box is on the far side far end of the garage. Unless I just have a phone in the garage.