Killing Me

The whole end of the line thing with helping cats is kind of like dying. I don't answer my phone. Can't. It's only people wanting help with cats who call me.

If I cannot find anywhere affordable to take cats to be fixed, I will have to change my number.

I exist in a void. I have no contacts anymore anywhere. I've never had a lot of friends, but I've always had a few. But I really dropped into a void, starting with the move to Linn County. Somehow, for some reason, even old friends in Corvallis, never come to Albany. My isolation became complete here. My only human contact became, rather quickly, only the hosts of people who neglect or abandon animals or who don't fix their pets.

I did not know how bad things really were in this county for cats. I knew it was bad, when I lived in Corvallis, but I was insulated from how bad, because I didn't live here.

When I moved here, I had a quick awakening and it has been a nightmare, to say the least. I don't think there is one block in Albany where there is not a cat issue. If there is, I haven't found that block yet. I've made a lot of gains, however.

I've wanted to run away from it. I couldn't, however, because I had no money to move. So I tackled it head on and it's been as tough as it can get, causing me such stress and sleeplessness, that my health has been affected. But I can't get away from it, in Albany, anywhere I go, so my only way to cope, living here, is to try to do something about it. I had that option.

Now I don't. Just like a crack of thunder across the sky, I got rendered helpless, to help get cats fixed here. I've been trying to come up with a solution and I have not been able to.

I'm going to go nuts. I'm going to go nuts living in a town with so many in trouble animals if I don't have a way to help them. I'm going to go nuts if I have nothing to do with my time that is meaningful.

What to do now. How to keep from going nuts and my health going sour from the stress.