Had It!

I've had it with that trailer park. The people there complain and complain about the cats, but will not lift a finger to help and management will not create a fixed pets only policy but will claim that all cats there are supposed to be inside only. However, that's bunk. And people bring in and abandon unfixed cats all the time.

I watched two more unfixed males cruise through, as I sat in my car attempting to catch the two I knew of left, that the woman feeds, who claims she hates all the cats but feeds them. She is sometimes nice to me, but only if I walk on eggshells.

Tonight, I had to leave while she went out to dinner, then she called that she was back and the two cats were there. So I went over again, but they had left by then. I sat in my car an hour waiting anyhow, then went in to tell her they were gone and I wasn't going to sit in my car there all night. I asked her to find a friend in the park who might watch traps. That's when she started in about one guy was going to move out just because of free roaming cats. And about the cats in general. I asked her not to complain about cats. I'd asked her that before. I had told I'm a volunteer who loves cats, so the one thing I ask, is that you don't start in on cats.

I don't know what to do when I'm giving my time like that, and someone just won't shut up about complaining about cats to me. I'm going to defend them. I can't pretend I'm some inanimate object as some stranger vents at me about things I love. Wish I could, but I'm human and have feelings and all that. I'm putting out to help someone and all they can do is gripe? That's not right. They can gripe to their friends.

I said "That's pathetic." I went on to tell her that anyone here could have gotten involved to solve this problem and to demand of management a fixed pet only policy, but people just complain, never get involved, and expect outsiders to come in and continue to solve the ongoing problem on their own time and at their own expense.

It is a huge issue there, the entitlement attitude that is. They want cats but don't want to fix them, then abandon them. And people will not get involved because they seem bred to apathy and sit on your butt complaining. I told that lady, "Don't you think it's a little strange to have someone you don't even know, who isn't paid, out sitting in the dark in a cold car, trying to solve this, at her expense and on her time, rather than people here doing this?"

I said the same thing to those gripey complainy neighbors up at the Lebanon foreclosed upon house, where the woman foreclosed on had too many cats, and left them, when she left. Yes, she had a husband but he was lazier than lazy. Those neighbors were really whiney and complainy and I wished I could not hear them after awhile, or understand their language. I had to try to create a whole new reality for myself, to survive those whiney complainy sit on your butt neighbors up there.

Because they could have helped their neighbor get those cats fixed. Instead, they just sat on their butts and complained or huddled in little groups and complained or went to church and complained. And when she was foreclosed on, and the greedy house flipping company bought it, and that asswipe money hungry freak who worked for them was up there acting like an ass, they had to find someone new to complain to, so they took to trying to come complain to me, when they'd see me there, trying to save the cats.

The trailer park woman didn't see it that way. And then she began griping about the cats again and saying mean things about Crusty, like "if you don't want to pay for his surgery, bring the damn thing back then." That's when I walked out, collected my traps and came home. In my mind, I was seeing Crusty, who had needed help so badly, and now this woman calling him "the damn thing", and I just wanted out of there so bad I could have run like the wind to escape this talk I never wanted to hear in the first place.

The only way I can help cats in that trailer park is in the middle of the night when I don't have to talk to any of the people there. That lady I've been helping out is nice maybe, but not to me, unless, like I said, I don't say a thing to her. She could not care less how much time and money I've put into helping her out, just like the rest of the people there. It's an attitude that permeates a lot of this area and I'm really tired of it. She has a really nice car and a lot of really nice things and she should be more grateful for getting hours upon hours upon hours of free labor and help from a total stranger. So why couldn't she just shut up and not talk mean about the cats. She knew I couldn't handle it. I'd told her so at least three times.

As for the pregnant female, guess she's going to have figure out how to get her caught and fixed herself. Work at it some. Lift a finger. I'm done.

I wish I could catch her and help her, get her fixed and somewhere she could be loved and appreciated. I wish I could go into another dimension to do it, a dimension occupied by only me and the cats and no blabbering complaining people at all. None at all.

You know, that's what I want. I want to be loved and appreciated and I can't find it here. Sometimes I think to myself, "oh my gawd, how did I end up in hell?" Cause I think that's where I am at right now. In hell. Nothing's going to change here. I thought I could explain all about spay neuter and how much suffering is caused by too many cats and people would listen and then do some research on their own and make the same conclusion and things would get better. Ain't happening.

Might be the drug and alcohol culture. I don't meet anybody who doesn't do one or the other or both. The kids and the animals get caught in the crossfire, creating hell, because if the kids and the animals are suffering, then it's all wrong. Click post title to go to article on child abuse rates in Linn County.

I was so lonely yesterday evening I called both my brothers on their cell phones and landlines and left messages. But there was no answer and nobody called back. This morning, however, my older brother called back, but then his wife called him to breakfast and he said he'd call me later, but he didn't.

I just want to find a couple friends, is all, somebody to laugh with, to do things with now and then and I can't find a single soul out there with the time or inclination. I'm getting desperate maybe. I'm no good anymore. I can't find my reason to smile.