My Future

I won't get shades to dampen the bright glow of my future. Not yet. I have applied for a few jobs lately. I probably should not have to write the outcome of my attempts so far. There are hundreds upon hundreds of experienced workers in this area without jobs or working part time jobs beneath their capabilities.

The chances of a 55 year old who has several metal spinal plates and has not been in the workforce for over 30 years finding work--not impossible, but maybe not very good.

I'm on disability as I have been since just out of my teens. If I go to work, I'll lose medical, so to pay expenses here, rent, utilities, car stuff, all that, I have to get a job and make $12 an hour and then, I might not make it. That would be minus health insurance.

I got the too many miles no it car issue going now too, so it would certainly be ideal/delusional if I could walk to work.

What are my skills? Um, hmmmm, I don't have any marketable skills right now. I'm trying to learn Spanish on my own from some tapes. I'm no good with people. Ive been living in a cave for almost my entire life away from people. I always say the wrong thing, thinking it's the right thing. Customer service? Well, I could certainly drive customers off! Maybe that's a skill needed somewhere.

This country is not going to do anything about health care reform. So it's a little bit of a thing, being as old as I am, to think of getting a job and having no health insurance. But most Americans are in that boat now, I'm pretty sure, at least most of the ones I know. So I'd just be joining the crowd.

The car thing, that is an issue. If I get a job that I must drive to, and it goes haywire or too expensive to fix, and I lost the job as a result, oh boy, then what? Shit creek, I guess. Robbing 7-11's to pay the rent so the cats have a place to call home. I could go without lights or heat for indefinite periods, I think. I like almonds and they don't have to be cooked or heated up.

Ok, the only reason I would put myself through trying to find a minimum wage probably part time no med insurance job that will worsen my situation, moneywise, is because I"m dying of lonliness and isolation here. Medical insurance doesn't do any good if you're dead.

I'm looking for a permanent job that requires no college degree. I looked at a job in Colorado, but it is only five months, if you get it. I could not afford to even get there. That's one more thing: I can't afford to relocate for a job.

There must be types of jobs out there I could do, that need someone to do them. Maybe I'm not looking in the right place. I've been on about ten job search websites just today. Some of the listed jobs are fascinating to read. Do you know that someone out there, every night, has to justify all the cash and receipts in an entire hospital or clinic? Every single night.

I worked for 7-11 for a few months once. I was lousy at it. I couldn't handle the massive numbers of tasks a clerk must keep up on there, working alone. The part that made me sweat was justifying the register at shift change. After all these years, I remember how stressful that was. We employees had to make up any difference that came up, with money from our own pockets. The store owner just assumed all his employees were trying to steal from him. Newsflash to him: none of us were. We felt sorry for your paranoia over that.

7-11's and McDonalds are out. I can't handle the stress of those places. I lasted at a Macdonalds an entire three days which I thought was damn good.