Sunday, February 14, 2010

My Future

I won't get shades to dampen the bright glow of my future. Not yet. I have applied for a few jobs lately. I probably should not have to write the outcome of my attempts so far. There are hundreds upon hundreds of experienced workers in this area without jobs or working part time jobs beneath their capabilities.

The chances of a 55 year old who has several metal spinal plates and has not been in the workforce for over 30 years finding work--not impossible, but maybe not very good.

I'm on disability as I have been since just out of my teens. If I go to work, I'll lose medical, so to pay expenses here, rent, utilities, car stuff, all that, I have to get a job and make $12 an hour and then, I might not make it. That would be minus health insurance.

I got the too many miles no it car issue going now too, so it would certainly be ideal/delusional if I could walk to work.

What are my skills? Um, hmmmm, I don't have any marketable skills right now. I'm trying to learn Spanish on my own from some tapes. I'm no good with people. Ive been living in a cave for almost my entire life away from people. I always say the wrong thing, thinking it's the right thing. Customer service? Well, I could certainly drive customers off! Maybe that's a skill needed somewhere.

This country is not going to do anything about health care reform. So it's a little bit of a thing, being as old as I am, to think of getting a job and having no health insurance. But most Americans are in that boat now, I'm pretty sure, at least most of the ones I know. So I'd just be joining the crowd.

The car thing, that is an issue. If I get a job that I must drive to, and it goes haywire or too expensive to fix, and I lost the job as a result, oh boy, then what? Shit creek, I guess. Robbing 7-11's to pay the rent so the cats have a place to call home. I could go without lights or heat for indefinite periods, I think. I like almonds and they don't have to be cooked or heated up.

Ok, the only reason I would put myself through trying to find a minimum wage probably part time no med insurance job that will worsen my situation, moneywise, is because I"m dying of lonliness and isolation here. Medical insurance doesn't do any good if you're dead.

I'm looking for a permanent job that requires no college degree. I looked at a job in Colorado, but it is only five months, if you get it. I could not afford to even get there. That's one more thing: I can't afford to relocate for a job.

There must be types of jobs out there I could do, that need someone to do them. Maybe I'm not looking in the right place. I've been on about ten job search websites just today. Some of the listed jobs are fascinating to read. Do you know that someone out there, every night, has to justify all the cash and receipts in an entire hospital or clinic? Every single night.

I worked for 7-11 for a few months once. I was lousy at it. I couldn't handle the massive numbers of tasks a clerk must keep up on there, working alone. The part that made me sweat was justifying the register at shift change. After all these years, I remember how stressful that was. We employees had to make up any difference that came up, with money from our own pockets. The store owner just assumed all his employees were trying to steal from him. Newsflash to him: none of us were. We felt sorry for your paranoia over that.

7-11's and McDonalds are out. I can't handle the stress of those places. I lasted at a Macdonalds an entire three days which I thought was damn good.


  1. I'd try to avoid losing medical at all costs. Even if you found a job with health insurance, remember private health insurance automatically excludes everything that's actually wrong with you, so you end up paying for nothing.

    There are ways to get money OTHER than a job, you know: Do something "under the table" ...sell flowers by the side of the road. I did that one Valentines Day several years ago and made 900 dollars in one day. All cash. Or find something else you can sell like that, or draw a someone's picture for 5 bucks - anything that's cash so you don't lose your medical.

    Just my opinion, but the sick, disgusting mess that is healthcare in America makes that kind of imperative.

  2. You are probably right, Pagini. I have IBS. I have several muscles that got torn, including one from my shoulder in an unfortunate "roof catch" accident, that never quite healed. I have the every now and then severe spinal nerve inflammation, if I do something to irritate those old spinal cord injuries, then I'm in pain and grumpy for two to three weeks, while I deinflame. I don't know that I'm actually employable, which is what I got told in just asking for an application at one place, "what do you think you're doing?" (I knew the people) I'm still trying to market a short book, too, and am working on another.

  3. I was fortunate enough to have a friend "lend" their business license to get roses wholesale. And I had it at the road side but nobody ever asked. One always needs a plan to deal with the Gestapo, though, just in case.

    Anything you can buy for a quarter and sell for a dollar beats having a job - especially with the health insurance issue.

    I know: I don't have any health insurance and it's killing me. If I had a real job with insurance, it still wouldn't cover the things that are killing me - because that's their scam.

    But since you have medical coverage, I feel like you should avoid a "real" job like the plague. If anyone doesn't like that, tough. It's the way we've decided to do business in America. You and I didn't make that choice, the powers that be did - the rest of us just have to learn to deal with it.

    You are a very good writer. I've noticed that. I realize that publishing is hard because we live in a post-literate society. But you have a popular blog so you might maybe try self-publishing through where it doesn't cost you anything and you can sell the books in the sidebar of your blog!

    You probably wouldn't sell a lot (about like I do with my calendars) but it's a start.

    ...Yes, I'm always annoyingly-full of ideas and not very useful. Sorry. That's just how I am. :)

  4. Thanks Pagini. I know. Everyone is hard on the poor, it's like we're the plague of the earth, which fuels guilt in me, but I do work hard for this community and I do make it better. It's not like society watch dogged over the programs that recruited me into a destructive mental health system where I got abused so often and where I incurred the beating that ruptured my neck. It's not like society or anybody else cares I had 30 years of my life stolen. Why should I be concerned at all, I wonder, and I think I'm nuts to be, that I'm not working some minimum wage job now and living in my car, to survive it. I don't know how much more I can sacrifice for judgemental Americans. I see it the same way I see how people like to blame cats for world problems because we caused all the big problems. So much easier to blame cats for all things environmental. Like it's easy to blame poor people for all problems. Ah well.

  5. Do you have an income or much of one Pagini? Your calandars are spectacular, so is all your photography. Too bad there's not a way to make more from your talents. No health insurance either. Doesn't sound like you are faring well. Do you have enough to eat, a garden or anything? I'm hoping to grow more of my own food this spring and summer. The soil is lousy here and the only sun I get is in the front so this year, that's where the garden is going. That way I don't have to deal with the lawn gestapo either.

  6. Thank you. I really appreciate that.

    I'm doing okay, really. First and foremost, I've been hanging out on my sister's farm since 2002. Her husband died before that and she likes the company -- so while you could say technically I'm homeless, I always have a place as long as my sister is around.

    And like I may overfeed the cats, my sister overfeeds me. :) So I'm pretty lucky.

    My artwork was doing okay before the economy completely collapsed. I *almost* became "something" ...almost. Then everything went to crap. I still pick up a few bucks freelancing (so far) but I would be in a tight spot if I had to live on it... you know, rent a place and stuff. And the way the economy is going, will that even be around much longer?

    For various reasons, it's pretty tough for me to get a real job. I try sometimes - but I have issues to deal with.

    However, I'm heavily invested cats. If they ever become valuable, I'll be rich. :)

  7. You know what I do, Chris, I judge everything by how many cats the money would fix, because fixing cats has real value, better value than gold, as a base. Like if some politician spends $100,000 on some campaign manuever, I think "Golly gee, think how many cats that would fix." So that's how I think of money and waste, in terms of how many cats that money could have fixed.

    Fixing cats has actual value, to communities, to people, to individual cats, to the feline population as a whole, to the environment, to public health, massive value in fixing cats. Why not use it as a basis for comparison.

    When these politicians talk this or that amount of money, like its nothing to spend that much on nothing, I am outraged, thinking, "Boy, I could have fixed a lot of cats with that money."

  8. My sister has goats but they're pets mostly. Her income comes from being a social worker.

    We're in south Tillamook county, at the gateway to the Sandlake Recreation area. Actually, we *are* the gateway.

  9. I have not been up that way for ages. I helped Tillamook people trap for a couple clinics, the only FCCO clinic they had there, then the Neutermobile on its maiden voyage. I ended up sleeping in my car at the cheese factory the first time. I'd been told they'd have somewhere ready for me where I could sleep (the cat groups). Didn't happen. The second time was far more difficult and completely exhausting. I have not been back since. I don't think the FCCO goes to Tillamook anymore. The Neutermobile had a very short lifespan as a mobile program.

  10. Well, I hope the Neuter Scooter will be back. I was counting on them, then I was told by someone from United Paws that they (United Paws) had declined the opportunity to have a clinic this month because they didn't get sufficient advanced notice.

    United Paws is about the only "local" group (Tillamook area) I know about. I was very frustrated with them after I first moved here because they didn't offer anything except "adoption fairs" (which you had to pay to participate). Now I understand they are doing more things - I guess they got a grant or something. But that situation was why I ended up buying my own traps and such.

    Now I'm taking cats to Tillamook Veterinary Hospital for spay/neuter this week and next... to make up for the lack of a Neuter Scooter visit.

  11. The Neutermobile was run by Poppa's Celeste, but it only had a very short life. The Neuterscooter is a different group, out of Indiana. I heard they were in Oregon last week maybe, but I think they only had clinics in southern Oregon, North Bend and Gold Beach maybe. The North Bend clinics fill instantly, as there is no other low cost anything available down there.

  12. Good luck with the job search! You are an amazing writer, I'm sure you'll find something soon :)
    As for the health insurance, I find America's health system very confusing... would you lose it if you got a job??
    By the way, I'm spanish, I live in Madrid, so if you ever need someone to write to in order to practice your Spanish, I am at your disposal! :)