The second white cat was readying for pregnancy, inviting it in. Doesn't she know?
Does she know how hard it would have been for her. Having kittens in a dug out rock hole or a woodpile or under somebody's deck, uninvited. Defending them from the cold, from starvation, from raccoons, from humans who hate her for no good reason really.
I suppose the glow overwhelmed her. They're spontaneous ovulators, you see. The glow. No longer alone, she thought, her hard life, she thought, at least brightened temporarily by love, love she has to give, without anyone to give it to. Kittens.
She'd endure the males, scraggly flea infested disease ridden beat up and mangy, yowling and after her, for the aftermath---the kittens, to love, to suckle on her, to cuddle and protect, a purpose finally, albeit brief and ladden with risky baggage.
They could all die. Distemper could take them. Predators. Starvation. Giardia. She didn't think about any of that. Only the glow of love, absent in her hard life.
It's as natural as life itself, the need for companionship and love. Who says it's ok to be alone? Only an angry soul, only a soul fogged in disbelief and seriousness and hopelessness. Only a blind soul could say such a thing and mean it.
Her hope is over, surgically removed. A purpose unrelated to her needs has decreed it. I know. I know. My fault. Now I have to give her an alternative and I will. I'm not as cold hearted as she thinks.
By next fall, she would have been begging me to return. Three litters down the road and she would be begging me. I know. She'll miss nothing of what she wants. She'll just get it another way.
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You're absolutely right, Jodi. Both she and ALL those kittens that would have been born (whether they'd died or continued to reproduce and reproduce themselves) are much better off because of your intervention. If only there were more people like you, so many creatures wouldn't be out there suffering without homes.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know that torn feeling you're having, knowing you're doing the right thing but always wondering and feeling pain at the loss of the few good moments with the kittens the cat would have had. I feel the same way each time...that torn feeling, the pain but one has to hold strong to the knowledge that one is really really trying to make the animals lives better.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Shefali. It is a mixed up feeling, at times.
ReplyDelete