The Tooth Flares

The tooth is causing me misery tonight. It's also slightly loose. Waiting until May for the first available appointment to get it pulled? The tooth may decide it won't wait, and with a little help, maybe it will come out earlier and free me of its constant whine.

I've been sick today, under the weather, achey and cold and worn out and feeling very very old. It's a good thing I didn't try to get down to North Bend. Probably would have killed me.

Everything hurts.

The thought of resumption of trapping, tramping around in the cold and rain, carrying heavy awkward traps with frightened cats inside, taking flack off people, dealing with the demanding caregivers, (some of them), who do nothing to help solve their own cat problems, well it is not attractive to me at this moment in time.

Bed is attractive.

The old man next door was mad at me for not telling him I was leaving for a few days. Well I did tell him. He just didn't hear me, apparently. He's hard of hearing. So despite having someone here to take care of my cats, he and the neighbor across the street even looked in my trash and he made comments about the cat litter inside it. Man, this is like a Desperate Housewive cul de sac.

He wanted to take me to his restaurant for a sandwich yesterday. I didn't want to go, but I said I would. He caught me off guard. The food at that place is slop, in my opinion. Yesterday was no exception. I was worn out and wanting my bed, not to go to a slophouse to eat slop when I could barely keep my eyes open or keep my feet.

On the way, the old man yelled insults at nearly everyone. I don't know why. I think he's upset or lonely or I don't know what.

Why'd I go with him? I don't know. Didn't want to hurt his feelings I guess, empathy with his loneliness and anger over his lonliness and the insults age is hurling at his body and mind, I guess.

He told me the cops are making lots of busts of drug dealers and they're all Mexicans. He wants every Mexican gone. I said, "The last busts were all white people," and he conceded that at least. Then he yelled out the window at two white people, I suppose for good measure.

At the restaurant where he eats three meals a day since his wife died, he ordered pot roast for both of us and not two minutes later a plate was sat in front of me with two pieces of white bread, some sort of meat and it all smothered in sloppy dark gravy. Like eating hog slop. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

The old man is failing. He can't breathe anymore and I don't know if he's got pneumonia or a bad heart or what. He's angry about that, too and frustrated. And I understand. I don't suppose he'll be around much longer.

I wish I could snap my fingers and make him young and healthy again. I'd do it in a heartbeat. I would.

He's a good man, a kind man, a gentleman, a good neighbor. He wants to be useful and it must be so hard on old folks, used to working hard, when they can't find a way to feel needed. It's hard on anybody if they don't feel needed or useful.

I wish I could snap my fingers for him. I wish I could.

He mows my lawn without me asking him to, because he thinks that manuel whirly bladed lawn mower of mine, is a hardship on me. In reality, I like it and like the exercise I get using it. I've grown fat since I moved here, fatter, I should say. I don't get any exercise, can't find a way to get exercise routinely here. It was so easy and natural in Corvallis, to walk, to hike the many parks. Such a joy to have those parks everywhere. Easy to exercise there, and pleasant. Not here. I can't figure a way to get any exercise here that's pleasant.

I hope I'm long gone before summer hits from here. I can't imagine a summer heat spent in Albany, with all the cars and concrete and druggees. Even sounds like hell to write the words.

I don't think my brother is really interested in selling this place. So I'll look for another on my own. Will be a rental of some sort. Farther from the chronic concrete and jam packed discontent of this town.

I haven't shopped in Albany for ages, since all I really buy is human food and cat food and the food stores here are very expensive. But I haven't gotten to corvallis or Salem for awhile, to Winco. So I stopped in at Shop N Kart and the prices are so high there, compared to Winco, I could not bring myself to buy more than a couple of items. It's like burning money. I can see it burning, when I'm checking out.

So I've got to make a shopping run, to either Winco in Corvallis or Salem sometime soon.