I am hurt, really, that nobody remembered my birthday. I just feel like crying, very sad, don't know why it would affect me so. I live here alone, have no normal human contact, and I don't know, I just thought someone might remember me on my birthday and maybe take me out, but in reality, who would have done that?
I have no real friends. Zero. I have people I know whom I've helped with cats and in reality, none of those people would cross a street to help anybody for any reason, which is one reason why they end up with too many cats or unfixed cats, in a way. It's related, I think.
I have no family, outside of two brothers whom I rarely see and rarely hear from unless I call them.
So there is really no one who would come over on my birthday. It was a stupid expectation to wish for that or to think that on one day, things would be different.
When I'm alone all the time and the human contact I have is extremely difficult, over cats, often dying, sick, abused, threatened, and always unfixed cats, for some reason, I get to thinking one day I'll have some sort of reward, even if its just someone showing up on my birthday to take me out or do something with me.
When I think about it, it's nuts, you know. But I think about it. I thought about it. I looked forward to my birthday, for some reason.
For some reason, I think someday, life will be easier, better, friendlier and especially that one day, magically, I'll find love or friendship or have some sort of family, so that I"m not alone, day in and day out.
But this is not going to happen. I need to understand that and accept my isolation.
I saw those boondoggies, whom I've helped over and over, and they waved like they were going to cross the street and wanted to come over to say something to me. If they want to talk to me it's because they want something of me. I gunned the car and went flying by them. All they do is suck off me and anyone else they can find to suck off of. All they want to know from me is "what more can you do for us."
I don't want to hear from them. I don't want to see them. I don't want to talk to them. Especially not today.
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End of Warmth
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Wow! I am very sorry that that happened. It's hard.
ReplyDeleteYou could always be like I am--a mouthy over confident Siamese and DEMAND that everyone celebrate (which is exactly what I did and you are welcome to join us at the party over on my blog--it is after all your birthday too!)
Happy Birthday Jody, wish I were there. I'd definitely take you out to celebrate. I forgot mine until my nephew called and said happy birthday old lady...
ReplyDeletehappy birthday jody, i am sorry you didn't have such a great time. i hope this next 12 months give you opportunity to meet people away from the rescue work, where you can make friendships not based around the emotional work you do. it's hard making new friends, especialy as you get older, but it isnlt impossible...just remain open to opportunity as best as you can, and create opportunity wherever you can x
ReplyDeleteI am sorry - I just did not know when your birthday was. Happy Belated birthday! I know that may not help but I do hope it does a little. I have had some awful birtdays too - in the hospital sick or days when everyone in the world is too busy to think about it and they eventually say something but I come from a very unsentimental family so or does not bother me. I have had a few wonderful ones but as my sister says, it's just a day and a number!!
ReplyDeleteI guess if you think it is important tho, it is and I do not want to make it seem less significant. Obviously, this hurt you very much!!! Throw yourself a party and invite people- tell them to bring their own stuff, lol byos Do you think that'll work?
Anyway- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!
Also, this wold be the one day I did not read your comment re your birthday! I am so sorry your day was not so hot - may be, as Fury Fighter says, if you have your own party - with some ppl you know in that area, it might be a way to meet ppl - ask some of them to help - those sisters you have written about - is it far from Corvallis to Albany? Or maybe we can have one online? You never know.
ReplyDeleteTake care!!!!! Keep up the great work - I bet the cats would love a party with you!!!
Thanks Siobhan. Those sisters would never have come to a party. They might have said they'd come, but they would not have showed. It's just the way they are. Guess I don't know anybody truely reliable. Oh well. In reality, I don't have any close friends around here. I only know people whom I've helped with cats, for the most part, around here, but have no close friends. It was a stupid thought. I suppose a person wants to feel loved or something, and I guess I used my birthday as sort of a test. Oh well. Doesn't matter, really.
ReplyDelete