Portland Trail Blazers Choose Cat Woman as Number One Pick!

The Portland Trail Blazers settled months of debate Thursday night when they chose Jody the Cat Woman, over Oden and fellow college freshman Kevin Durant with the No. 1 pick in a highly anticipated NBA draft.

Portland opted for the 5'8"-footer who they believe will dominate a game with cat calls, craftiness, sarcasim and quick hands, attributed to work with cats, over the sensational scoring and relative youth of Oden and Durant.

Franchise cat women are hard to find, and most believe the Blazers got a good one in the obsessive cat trapper, who claims "I always get my cat. Even though I've never actually played basketball I see no reason why that should stop me from always getting my basket. Besides, I can really use the millions of dollars I'll be making!

That was enough to beat out Oden, who led Ohio State to the national championship game despite never playing at full strength after surgery on his right wrist.

Looking flea bitten and battling a slight rabies infection since arriving in New York, Jody the Cat Woman shared a long handshake with commissioner David Stern before heading off in search of homegrown cat weed, which she claimed later is a key component to her future success in basketball. Although expected to fly to Portland later Thursday night, Jody the Cat Woman did not make the flight. Later, someone spotted her in a beach resort surrounded by cat fixers from every state. Her only comment---"Hey, they should be making millions for what they do, which is a more significant "ball game" (drunken chortles break out among the cat women). At least I can give them what they deserve now!"