I need to get away and I need some human contact

Is there anybody out there who wants to do something fun? I have not had fun in ages. I haven't had anybody to do anything with for ages. I am desperately lonely and being fed upon more and more.

All you people who say to just go take a walk and that will be enough, what a bunch of baloney. Hey, you try it. You try going for days and weeks and months and years on end, without any meaningful human contact, nobody to do things with, to chat and joke with, to watch movies with, go on hikes with, go swimming or camping with---you go try it, and don't be telling me "go take a walk" if you don't know what it is like to live alone, exist alone, without any support or friendship or family whatsoever. You live in vaccuum of human contact for decades. Then you tell me what to do. But not before.

Lately I've just given in, to the demands from people to take cats. It's sick, I know. I have no adoption venue. I get no funding to do this. People prey on me. It's time to stop this. If I were being paid, different story. If people were donating a fair share or anything, be a different story. People are laying work and burdens on me cheerfully because they can then resume their lovely lives guilt free. While I have no life. None.

Nobody even returns my equipment. They expect that I travel to do that. I've got equipment in Shedd and they want me to come all the way out to get it. I had equipment at the BS overflow but will they return it? Fuck no. And yet if they say they'll return it, it has to be on their time. It's fucking sicko. I can't find decent people out there.

I can't go anywhere, even for one night, because I have no one to care for all these cats.

I can't find homes for them, either. I've had one inquiry of late. ONE, that's it. Someone who wants to adopt an unfixed kitten, but won't or can't provide a vet reference even though they claim to have had many dogs and cats. Apparently, none ever visited a vet? I can't figure that one out. I've told them I don't adopt out unfixed kittens to people I don't know or who can't provide proof they are diehard spayaholocs. That's just the way it is.

I'm not going to take in kittens that then go out there and become part of the problem. I'm trying to fatten these kittens up to spay weight. And now Purrly, from the BS and Little Miss Sunshine, a delightful Siamese mix, getting to be an older kitten, are just on the verge of not being cute enough kitten types to have much of an adoption future. Without an adoption venue I am sunk. Wish one of these nonprofits would let me adopt out with them, but they won't. I stopped in at Petco the other day and low and behold both KAT and Spay Inc were up there, adopting out cats, because they can. They had the money to become nonprofit. I don't. So I'm fucked.

I try to stay clear of Petco, for that reason. They help every other rescue operation except me. It just hurts me, to be so called upon by my community and yet so ignored, when it comes to community support. I feel like an abused woman. I am being used and abused by Linn and Benton county residents. I like helping cats and having something to do, but unless I get some support I'm going to have to shut down and leave. And I do want to leave.

Well anyhow.