Friday, November 26, 2010

Depression

Depression is creeping in on me. My inability to find homes for cats is the reason. I finally got my printer fixed, for about the zillionth time then printed and posted some fliers. I am running an ad but have not received a single call as a result. I post over and over again on various craigslists.

I can't afford all these cats. I am down to zero money right now. I spent the last of my money on gas, to run three cats up to be fixed today, including Scraggles, one of the three Lebanon ringworm kittens.

I am very much alone here, in this. This is an extremely lonely calling. And difficult. I have no partnerships with groups in this area who do have adoption venues. I can't get one because I am not a nonprofit.

I try my best. I get used, sure. I get used a lot. There was a message on my machine when I got home from a stranger who wanted me to come over right away to her house so she could get advice from me and also would I take care of her cats while she's gone. I have no idea who that might be, but it is someone who considers me free labor, a slave. I did not return the call.

It hurts I suppose, if I get tired, and think about it, the lack of respect for the work, but that goes with being a volunteer and with the type of people I run into, who don't fix their cats in the first place. There is usually, not always, but usually something wrong there to begin with.

My biggest cause for concern is the number of cats here. How to find some of them homes. The usual ways don't work for me here. They used to work for me, when I lived in Corvallis. I don't know. I wish I could move away, somewhere, I don't know. I suppose I need some human contact, some recreation, some laughter with other humans, some compassion myself.

On a really really depressing note, the Koreas are posturing for a fight, like two unfixed male cats, hissing, spitting, yowling, spray marking (the artillery fire) and arching on a fence.

Quick, somebody, send in a team of veterinarians to neuter them all.

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