The Rainy Blahs

The rains returned and it twisted my mind into a sad mess. 

I rarely see another soul.   My phone rings only with scam callers or robo calls warning me about this or that.  The latest is that my social security number has been compromised and I must call back immediately and push 1, to hear what happened.   This message came in six times a day for several days until I turned my phone off.  It came in from multitudes of different numbers.  I'd block one and it would come in again on some other number.

I have almost forgotten my phone now.  I turn it off and lay it in a drawer.  Why bother with such an annoying gadget that allows scammers and thieves free access to disturb me constantly.

This very issue is a constant source of news reports lately, but nobody knows really how to stop it.

The loss of Calamity affected me, as a death of a member of The Family, as I call my cat flock here, is hard on me, even when it is a family member I have little contact with.   She was here though, a presence, part of the whole.   It takes energy from me.  I want to sleep and dream and do little else.

The rain doesn't help.   Today there are supposed to be some hours of no rain, but that is all in the entire next week.  A few hours maybe, today.

I often wonder why I live here when it is so dreary most of the year, so wet and lonely.   I've only lived in Oregon, is one reason.  I was born in Oregon.  I have no knowledge really of anywhere else and no money to pick up and leave and know no one elsewhere, to make a big change like moving if I had money.

I can't really have friends unless they have little money like me because I can't pay to do the things other people would want to do. 

I have three other cats with health issues.   Old men Brambles and Soloman have been in the bathroom receiving fluids and antibiotics.    Brambles had all those teeth removed a few months ago and is still skinny and fragile, but mostly that is related to him being very old.   Soloman is old too, but had a URI that got worse so into the bathroom he went.  But only three days into his treatment and I weakened and gave him his dose this morning and let him out.  It depresses him horribly to be away from his friends.  He won't eat and sulks when he's depressed.  I'll track him down each day instead.  He's to be on the drugs ten days and I weaken after 3?   Oh boy, that's pathetic.  He'll get the rest, don't worry.  I couldn't see him so depressed in the bathroom.  At some point, it becomes a health issue for him to be so depressed confined away from everybody he loves.

Sassy is crying out sometimes when she eats and works her jaw, classic signs of tooth issues.  She's had most pulled but obviously has something going on with a tooth, or heaven forbid, something worse.   I couldn't get a dental appointment however until mid July with the vet they are so booked out.  She has no drooling or weight loss as of yet.

The other cat with issues is Buffy.  But she's very old and has lost weight and drinks a lot and at last vet check was drifting into kidney issues.  So she gets fluids when I can get ahold of her without causing her panic, because if she panics she will have a seizure.

The worst of living where I do is there is nothing really to do.   There are not even walking trails anywhere close.   There are parks but they are squares of green grass with a bench or two and its then called a park.   Some have sports fields.   In Corvallis over in Benton County where I lived what now seems like another life time there are lots of walking parks completely consumed by woodlands or along the river.   I thought I'd go back once I moved from there but I haven't.  Well I did a couple of times, only to find that city too has changed and is now over crowded with people and new developments and parking, to walk those same parks I used to basically live in, has become an issue there.

So I sit here and try to think of somewhere to go, just for a walk not along city streets, or among the cars, but in something resembling nature and I can't think of anywhere, that would not require a long drive.  The county looks green but its the grass fields, grown to harvest the seed for lawns and sports parks and there are miles upon miles of grass seed farms around here.  But where can an individual be, to get away, from the roads and cars and cities?   Well those spaces are not so common and now very crowded indeed.