If Only I had an Ear Tip

If only I had an ear tip...

Like the cats get, when they get spayed.

Then I wouldn't have to right now be ordering records to prove to my brand new PC (Primary Care) NP, that I don't in fact have a cervix.  She'd check my ears, see the tip on the right one, and mutter "Oh, ok."

I had a hysterectomy way back when.  I don't recall the year, early 2000's.  It was the second surgery to try to stop horrendous endometriomes from growing all over me, some the size of grapefruits.  The second surgery was a total hysterectomy.

I did not miss those removed body parts.  Not at all.  In fact, the end of yearly PAP smears was something to celebrate!

Until, my PC NP (primary care nurse practitioner) decided she didn't want to be a PC NP anymore.  I got the letter.  Then I had to find someone else.  I went along with their immediate switch of me to some random new PC NP.

But the first visit was awkward, strange and went on and on, with no particular direction.  There were flaming red flags too.  She just didn't believe what I would say.  And countered things I'd say.  About my own body, not hers, mine.  She wanted me to schedule a PAP smear.  I said "no" I don't have a cervix.  I had a total hysterectomy."

But she didn't believe me and began scanning records but couldn't find a record of my surgery.  I thought she'd dropped it til I get a notice from her pop up through the online chart thing, that for preventive care, I needed to schedule a PAP smear.

I was beyond annoyed.   I am going to get those records, I said to myself.

The surgeons' records department got a laugh out of it.  When explaining why I called I said, "Well, I'm trying to prove to my new PC that I don't really have a cervix."

AFter the call I sat back and thought, 'I can't have a PC that doesn't believe me.' The question of whether I had a cervix or not was only one of several things that had upset me at the visit.   If your doctor doesn't believe you, omg, that's the basis for care.  There's no hope, I thought, with this one.

I never did get a call back from the surgeons' office about the records however.   I wonder if I will.  I wonder if I'll have to somehow prove I'm me, to them, to get them, if I ever do.  Or pay a fee.

 Life has become burdensome with the medical and insurance systems we have, what with all the expensive studies and reporting required, the mountains of paper work, and multiple layered insurance (medicare but under an HMO that's now under a CCO ((don't ask))) and I don't think its improved much of anything.

Maybe the paper pushers can figure out if I have a cervix or not.  Maybe they will convene a tribunal to discuss it.  The Does She or Doesn't She conference.  Call in experts.  Have lively debates.  Break for a ritzy catered luncheon. Commission further studies.

I think it should spawn a musical at the least.

If you don't believe me, doctor, I'm not going to believe you either.

Today I "broke up" with my new PC.  I did it in the cowardly manner of contacting my old PC, who quit.  I'll let her break the news.

Now I have to set up another blind date with a primary care provider.

I hate it.

I never did like blind dates.