Slow Days

 Sometimes weeks go by when I have no meaningful human contact.  This can be difficult to bear.

I've become for the most part comfortable by necessity with being alone.  And quirky, which is what happens over time to those alone.

I still feel this need to be useful and since my self appointed job ended, with the loss of the spay neuter mission, I have been struggling like crazy to find meaningful endeavors.

I've tried to find small situations to help gets cats fixed, to feel I'm doing something, but they are few and far between.  I am hampered with no funds to pay for fixes or even gas now.

Gas is high again.  $3.00 per gallon here and more than that on the coast. Oregon's gas prices are usually higher than the rest of the nation.  I don't know why.   I had such high hopes it would remain affordable.  It keeps me at home most of the time.  When prices were low, everyone was happy and could get out and go somewhere.

I wander on, in a ragged blur.

This morning I took Button over to the shelter to have a dental.  I spent half the night trying to catch her despite feeding in a tied open trap for over two weeks, out where she and her sister hang.    1:10 a.m. I finally get her and am ecstatic.  I take her over this morning, happy, come home and call a man about fixing three ferals. I was referred to the situation by another group and assured everything was normal about it, that they feed the cats and would take them back.  Wrong.

They don't feed them and just hope they go away.  The man also spoke about dropping them at a farm. He works at a Christian run complex in town which is where the cats are.

 I held my tongue, although it was hard, and told him how that is not something that is kind in any way, that they die, very slowly because they have no idea where they are or where to find food or where safety lies and try to come "home", where they are unwanted too.  I asked if he would consider kindness instead, feed them, just let the three live out their lives where they are, after they are fixed.  He said he'd think about it.

The phone encounter upset me greatly.  I had not expected this.  I had been reassured the opposite about this situation.   I seem less able to handle such events lately.

Then, as I prepare to go pick up Button, I get a text stating they didn't have time to get her done.  I drive back over, churning in upset, knowing I likely will not be able to catch her again, without great difficulty, as the day sitting there in the trap, also would have her terrified and very imprinted that the trap is bad news.

I tried calling the affordable vet over on the coast, the one in the far NW corner of our state, hoping maybe they'd had a cancellation, like tomorrow, but they have no openings until middle of July.

 I made two appointments again.  I'll have to come up with about $450 for the drive and two dentals, but at least I have two months to try to do that.  I am trying to think up ways to raise money for these dentals, and the gas and the cat food and the litter.   I am falling short and I know it.   There must be something I could make and sell and somewhere I could sell it. I've got to try harder.

The day was a big time bust.  Some days are like that.

There was this, in Albany today.   Some company doing street view mapping.  I'd already seen photos of this car on facebook as others wondered wtf.  Who knows what company, no logo displayed. Nevada plates.  I went to the store to get Miss Daisy cat treats, since being out of those here isn't a pleasant thing, and saw the car for myself, off Jackson street.

Hey mister, you taking a 360 of the hood while I take a picture of you!