Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Long Gray and Analog Pain

No kidding.  Here it comes.  Here it is--the never ending gray drear.

Got your anti depressants filled for the Oregon winter?

Why shouldn't we just hibernate through it?

Save a lot of everything.

Today, rain poured down in sheets.  More rain than we need.  We're already over our normal quota for October.  Enough already.  Once the quota is hit, for inches of rain, I expect the rain to stop and the sun to pop out!

Sometimes I wish I could like sports, get into the fall football thing, but I don't like football or follow any sport.  Maybe I would if I were playing it or playing some sport or if I knew players, but otherwise, it's just another reality show you watch from your planted butt end.

Those of us unable to genetically (perhaps) enjoin  with the fan or groupie mentality miss out on all sorts of bonding experiences.   I am unable to scream for a team.  Why do people call a team of players unconnected to them theirs anyhow?  Do they live through them? I don't understand.  I wish I could.

Fall is here.  My Roku has died twice in the last three days.  I spent a lot of hours trying to make it good again.  I spent time with Roku chat people and it was wasted.   Finally, I spit three times on the ground, turned clockwise full circle twice with my arms in the air and my eyes closed, chanting four words backwards, after, AFTER I'd already prayed to ten gods, from four directions, and promised to name every cat in three litters of completely female kittens all "Roku" and adopt them out only to male cat lovers over 40 who speak Mayan.  Also, I reset all devices, including the Roku and the router and the PC and even my microwave for good measure, to factory settings.  Then I knelt, kissed the ground, and changed all the batteries in every remote, then burned incense with the discarded batteries and chanted "Ohmmm" for twenty seven seconds.  After that, I turned off my computer for exactly two minutes.  Then I unscrewed the cable for 32 seconds and kissed and blessed its end before screwing it back in.

I then cowered under the eye of Comcast and pleaded my case again and cried and offered up sacrifices and Comcast smiled upon me and the Roku connected to the internet and I bowed to the Comcast Eye and I am evil by comparison.

I watched three episodes of Twisted then.  But during the 4th, Comcast frowned upon me.  Spooling circles appeared as I leapt to my feet crying "NOooooooo!"  But yes, I had been once again inflicted upon by the Eye.  No more would the Roku connect to the router which is connected to the....modem which is connected to the....ham bone.. no wait, I'm sorry, I got that mixed up with some old thing in my head.

After spending two days with Roku and routers, and nameless product chat pimpers, I "liked" Roku on facebook even though its a lie and I don't like Roku anymore, but I wished to vent and vent I did and quickly most of my comments vanished into cyber discard.  I'm not sure who to blame for the failings of the Roku---Roku itself, or the router, or the Eye of Comcast, the maker of all knowledge and all that is good (Listen, my devices are not working, I have to suck up).

I'd like to kill them all.  I have a fantasy about hooking them up to a chain and swinging that chain with the Roku and the Linksys and the modem around my head, whooping wildly, maybe riding atop a van at the same time.  Or riding them down, atop a nuke from a bomber bay like Slim Pickins. Or putting them atop a car and putting that car into the car crusher and moving the lever that starts the car to crushing with the Linksys and the Roku and the modem atop it, while I sing.

I have had lots of thoughts like that the last hours.  Dark thoughts.

I lamented my lack of analog friends to my virtual friends on facebook, most of whom I've never met in my life and never will.   My virtual friends all say I'm a fine person and even though I have no real life friends, virtual friends are probably good enough.  I thought about that for awhile.

I thought "there's a lot wrong with this world".

I thought, "my analog friends I've had never were as nice as my virtual friends."

I'm going back into the matrix.   I need the perks offered there.  I'm not so sure I need the analogs anymore.

Well, for you interested, here are some magic mushrooms.  Just kidding there.  These are growing helter skelter like crazy in my dead neighbors yard. They are not edibles. They won't kill you to eat them, just give you a stomach ache.

This post is dedicated to all of you out there who have experienced the hair pulling "joy" of non functional electronic components and the tangled web of unhelpful customer service people.


  1. Nothing is happier than a working internet. Nothing is more hair pulling than a wonky internet. Roku? I was wondering about it, and will wonder no longer.

  2. No issues this evening, think my internet bandwidth use is getting limited. Streaming netflix too much. No cable here, Lotta Joy, so many folks, since cable is so expensive, if you're lucky enough to have net connection, pay for netflix streaming through a router and a Roku. My brother sent me both a router and a Roku. I think he has them set up all over his place, but I just needed one of each. I love streaming, since I get no TV! It's great when it works! Outside of that, Redbox video isn't bad--renting movies from the Redboxes for $1 for a day.