Deflation

I got deflated. My joy, that is, my sense of accomplishment with those extremely difficult Albany side by side colonies.

Both have been difficult to trap. One because of the schedules and sideways location of where the cats are fed. The two adults work long hours at early shift jobs and have kids and are chronically worn out due to working so hard and having kids also. That one I understand fully. Nonetheless I've caught six, and when they're home, they let me know when a trap is sprung.

The other I don't understand. Man alive that has been difficult when it should be easy. They are retired and home all the time. They are big time church goers. How come the "righteous" or self-proclaimed are often the hardest to deal with?

He'd had another trapper try to help three weeks before I came on scene. She gave up quickly when he released the black female. He finally said he let her go because the woman didn't come get her when he called. Guess then she decided against helping him. I don't really know what went on, except he had nothing good to say about her. I'm sure he has nothing good to say about me either. The feeling is mutual.

I caught three there early on, three of four teens, born to a black mom. He went off on me when I returned them, yelling at me, saying they're weren't his and I was supposed to take them, even though I'd made it clear I could not take them, just get them fixed. After that, the sisters I know, from his church, who had referred him to me, said they'd intervene, talk to him, but they never did, and stopped returning calls or e-mails, I guess to avoid the issue of not doing what they said they'd do.

So, after consideration, I apologized to him, because I know people like him. It's all about him, so I made his yelling at me over bringing them back somehow my fault. It didn't really bother me like I thought it would. And it worked. He said he wanted the rest fixed, so back I went. I also begged him to feed the kittens, since at that time, it was freezing. I appealed to morality, since he's big on that. But after that, I walked on eggshells around him and trapping there. Wasn't easy. Couldn't trap like usual.

He would not follow any directions, like on feeding in a tied open trap for awhile, then me attaching a line to spring it on the right cat. With the usual people, I would have had no trouble catching them all very quickly. But this guy wanted to do things his way and his way was the right way and to hell with anybody who thinks they might know a better way. He'd move traps, close them, oh my gawd, not easy.

Nonetheless, I caught everybody but the black female, who is in heat and hanging around, was within 15 feet of me just three days ago.

Today, when I call, to say I found two of them homes, he's wanting to quit again, says that they're not his cats, that he doesn't care, that he wants them all gone, and the trapping over, to come get my traps.

I say "Oh really, because there will be more if you quit." But he's insistent, very insistent, so I tell him I will come get my traps but it's over, that I will waste no more of my time doing this dance, that it is bullshit he pulls on me, and that I don't want him ever calling me again if he quits now, like when the female has kittens.

I go over to pick up my traps, stomach churning because he's hard to be around. He's out there, kind of pacing, out front in front of my equipment, just waiting. He wants to fire off at me, tell me how lousy I've treated him. I was just going to wordlessly get my stuff and get out of there.

But him telling me how good he's treated me, again all about him, got my dander. I said, "You asked for help. I helped you out. You never donated anything. And now you want to quit, with one cat left to catch, the female, and there will be more, which means I've wasted my time here."

He goes "What money have you put out?" I think, "How do I answer that." I'm thinking of the countless hours, the driving back and forth to check traps because he won't, the bait, the gas over and back, over and back, and clear down to Coos Bay, the wormer, the feeding of them here, antibiotics I gave one, paying for shots for the little girl, all these things. Not to mention all the Poppa funds, money from other people, that went to pay for the fixes. And the 20 hour day, yesterday alone, trying to get them all in somewhere, to be fixed. Finally, I just say "gas, bait and tons of time and worry".

He's making accusations again, about how he has a right to stop this on his property. I finally said "You wanted help here, and I spent time, money and effort helping you. If you don't finish, it will start all over." He says, "You'll never catch that black female anyway." I said "Ha. You don't know me. I don't give up."

I left. What's the point anyhow.

Makes me sad for that female though, makes me want to cry. There's nothing I can do. I'm pretty tough. Lots of people who don't fix their cats are assholes or abusive or want to quit when it's not yet done. I get used to it pretty much. There are lots of nice people out there too.

I'm worried about my niece. She is struggling in med school. My brother says he's at peace with it, but it frustrates him, that his brilliant daughter is struggling so. Whatever happens happens. She has tried hard. What I worry about is that she signed on with the army so the army is paying for her schooling. She has to give the army four years, whether she finishes med school or not.

I don't want her blown up in Afghanistan or raped by fellow male soldiers. Lots of women in the armed services are sexually assaulted, with no justice. She's very capable. I don't want to see her damaged or killed or raped in one of these stupid wars. Serving in the military isn't what it used to be. We go into these countries without even declaring war now. Different and very pro-violence world we live in.

I am in the dark on why some people behave like they behave or how to deal with it. Totally in the dark. I go into situations/problems with a straight line point of view: get it done. Even if it takes awhile. Get it done. I don't see the fault in that reasoning. Sometimes good things take awhile to get done. But you still wait it out and get it done.