Monday, July 20, 2009


Well, I hung out today. I spent half the day at least in my pajamas, which seemed to shock the delivery lady, who came with a box from across the continent (Advantage and Prazaquantal, sent by Kay).

She looked inquisitively at me when I answered her ring. I was riddled in age old entrenched guilt, about couch potato welfare queens, whiling away the day laid out on a couch, TV on, chip bags scattered everywhere, all opened. My own old worthlessness boiled up. To be caught in pajamas mid day! I was a welfare queen at that point. Guilty as charged.

I tried to look not guilty. I wanted to bubble out an excuse "My back, you see, it's bad, and both my knees, too, and I'm taking a bit of time off..." but she was gone. She was perky and slim and well dressed and well groomed and on time--everything I could never be or even pretend, if I tried.

What was the use of an excuse? Or even of trying to match the efficiency of such a presence? I shuffled with my stilt knees and spasmed quirky back, right back to that couch and settled in, uncomfortably.

My back is somewhat improved tonight, especially over this morning, when every wrong move took my breath away. My knees might be improving. I wouldn't take a walk around the block yet.

It took all morning to do chores that usually take me less than an hour. There's a lot of constant work around here. Every morning, before heading out to pick up cats to take to the clinic, I clean all the litterboxes, then dump the dirty litter buckets that sit beside each box until full, into the trash outside. Then I clean and fill water bowls. Then I fill dry food bowls. Then I do dishes. Then I start the laundry. Then I medicate cats needing medicated. Then I sweep the floors and if there's time, before I have to be out the door, usually by 7:15 or 7:30 a.m., I mop. I try to water the squash and lettuce and potatos growing outside, before the heat hits. I check directions online to the places where I am to pick up cats to take to the clinic. If there's time, I send off a round of e-mails for the next appointment days' cat round up or answer e-mail inquiries about cats for adoption. If there are any. Lately there have been none at all.

By the time I get to the clinic, usually at 8:30, with four to six cats, I've already been working two to three hours. Sometimes I am up far earlier, if I need to early morning trap. I still do the chores before I go. I add in the time I will need for them and get up early enough to do them before leaving. I can't fall behind on the chores, you see, or things here fall apart.

My downfall is what I'm doing now. I should be in bed because I have to be up early. It's my chance to chat or see if I have any e-mails. I always hope one will be in my inbox from a potential adoptor. But like I say, lately, it's been cold as hell for adoptions. This is scary, I won't deny. That bathroom full of kittens will turn into teens without a chance of getting homes. It's making me so nervous I can't sleep much to think about it.

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