Kittens Back. Me Tired.

I am still worn out from that darn FCCO clinic. I can't seem to recuperate as quick as I used to. Getting old I guess. Joints aflame still. I suppose it didn't help that various asundry appliances, like my phone and answering machine, have been failing and I've been trying to repair too many things at once and finish MY SPACE, this exclusion room and that Miss Daisy went off on some of her loud happy ripping around sprees the last two nights, keeping me waking up repeatedly.

I'll get rested up and be ok. I get cranky when I'm tired out and my neck, back and knee are hurting.

It hasn't helped to have colds running around the cats, too, and having to chase down many, like Shady, for antibiotics and steaming with a vaporizer. She is the WORST cat here to try to medicate. She just hates having ointment put in her eyes or taking oral antibiotics. It is a tough sell.

Some are also trying to cough up hairballs.

Isolation hasn't helped me either, never does. Nor has the lack of any real recreation available within close range. I do wish I could move back to Corvallis.

That likely may never happen. I've been looking for a place in Corvallis, quietly now, for three months. Finding a place that takes both cats and HUD in Corvallis may prove impossible. I have set a goal to be out of Albany within six months. Achieving that goal, that's another thing again. I have expanded my search to Philomath. Why would Philomath be ok? Because it's a small town, and there is actually a bike path all the way to Corvallis. When I lived halfway in between Corvallis and Philomath, which is a really ideal location, I walked that path both ways.

That area is so set up for exercise. It's so easy there to get away, to de-stress in woodsy hiking parks, only right in town. You can do it on a lunch break. The bike and pedestrian paths go everywhere, all over town. There are so many wonderful parks right at all edges of town. I didn't know I'd miss them so, but I do. I don't do anything here, unless I"m out trapping or transporting cats. I've got to change that. I suppose I could walk city streets and I have, but I can't seem to make myself do it at least for a bit of exercise, because I don't like doing it. I know. Not a good excuse.

I've gone back to Corvallis now and then, intent on hiking, a couple times, but it takes some planning, twenty or thirty minute drive each way. It's a time and gas issue. And an exhaustion issue. I'm always so tired out, that driving that far to take a hike seems out of the question.

I'm just spoiled is all, from living there. For now, I have to figure out something here.

Most cities don't have the parks Corvallis has and all the bike and pedestrian paths. Corvallis is a stand out in that regard. So once you've lived there, you're spoiled!

Well anyhow, as for the thing with SafeHaven, I am not going to have contact with them anymore. I always feel bad afterwards. I've still got cats here that came as a result of helping them out. I say that in defense of myself, that it isn't like I haven't helped them out plenty.

I should have kept my mouth shut, I know, about the fixing the kittens thing and whether it was a good fosterer or not. I only asked about the fosterer because I've had to fix bunches of cats associated with two of their fosterers, who I wouldn't adopt a pet fish to. So that's why I asked and hoped they'd checked the person out. Better if I have no contact with them, because it never works out well.

When something like this happens, it does make me feel like hiding from the world, however. That is exactly what I plan on doing, not like I don't pretty much hide from the world every single day. Most days, I don't want to hide, just works out that way, since I don't really have a network of people to talk to in person or do things with. But right now, I don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. That's the difference.

I'm all mad at myself for opening my mouth when I shouldn't have.

When I'm upset, I used to run right into the forest somewhere close, and the exercise, fresh air, quiet and forest would make me feel better. It has been hard for me to adjust to life without that option. I take my frustrations out here, in the written word, but it is not the same. It's like if you're addicted to smoking and suck instead on a pencil. The satisfaction isn't there. I guess I just need to wean myself off the addiction, is all. Takes time.