BS Colony Hits Me Again

The three BS kittens have broken out in ringworm. I suppose they had it, but were fighting it off, then got spayed and neutered and now it broke. Then the two black boys broke out with it, too, even though they are in another room. So far, Blueberry and Sashi show no signs but they will. These kittens will now likely be with me forever because they won't be kittens by the time they're over it. Nobody will adopt a teenager, when there are free kitens everywhere. And I'd like to go jump off a cliff screaming.

Good intentions, kindness will only kill you, drive you nuts, keep you in total lonliness, isolation and broke. You'll have no fun, no companionship and you'll be fed off of, like a bleeding fish amidst the sharks. Everyone will feed off you. It isn't worth it.

There is nothing that could salvage my life now, I don't think. I have no joy left. I have not a real friend in the world. I have no family. And I want to take these kittens back to those mother fucking freakazoids out there and leave. Let them take care of them. They have cost me so much and the cats so much suffering and they pay nothing of the costs, just sit out there smoking and cracking off color jokes in their garage and let someone else do everything.

I am going to disconnect my phone. There is no one I want to talk to anymore. The calls I get are those who want me to do something for them. And I can't anymore. My life was taken over by a desire to get as many cats fixed as I could and help them that way, not by taking in cats. I never wanted to do that, because of the costs involved and the work and the difficulty in finding decent homes for cats and kittens.

How I became a slave, well, that's a sad thing. I resent these shelter people sometimes, who are well paid and do nothing to solve the overpopulation problem. And they make the spay/neuter people out to be freaks too, on top of it. They try to pretend everyone is in this together. Excuse me?

They go on nice vacations, collect nice salaries and we're not in this together. I read the lies on SafeHaven's website about if they don't take in the cats, then statistics show people don't really dump them, that they wait until they can get them into SafeHaven.

Boy, what a pile of bullshit. What happens to those kittens is they are dumped or abandoned, or the owners call people like me or Safehaven gives people KATA's number, that's what really happens. But they don't say that because it would take away from them, their donations.

I let it go when they lied in the paper, saying they trapped some kittens over behind the Arco, when it was really me sitting out there half the night, at their request.

When they wouldn't take in some half grown kittens, the woman dumped them along the highway right beside SafeHaven and Gretal is still here from that. I spent three nights out in a windstorm after Gretal and Hansel, her brother, after seeing them walking side by side along the shoulder of Highway 34. Turns out, SafeHaven began receiving calls about them not long after the woman dumped them, but they did nothing.

Panda and Solomon are here because SafeHaven requested I trap some cats fed by a relative of one of the salaried workers there, in Lebanon. She said her neice fed four. I trapped 11 and the kittens were so matted they couldn't raise their heads from their chests. I couldn't return them because the relative really wasn't getting food from SafeHaven, like Safehaven said they were, to feed them, and there were so many, some with pellet holes through their ears where they'd been shot at. SafeHaven promised to find the four homes and they never did. That's how come I have Panda and Solomon.

They asked me to help some old people in a trailer park feeding strays, too, but one of the cats was very old and tame, but ill with diarrhea. I was overloaded and asked that SafeHaven take him in. They kept him one or two nights, since it was freezing and I was in the process of moving and extremely stressed from that, then said I had to come get him because he was too old to ever adopt out. I was so angry at them. I was under such stress with the move from Corvallis during that eviction. Ebineezer Geezer finally did get a home, no thanks to SafeHaven. And I trapped 18 cats in all for that old couple and took them in for fixing, no thanks to SafeHaven.

It was a SafeHaven board member who contacted me wanting help with the strays she fed. She had my number because I'd called her and left a message an entire year before, when calling free kitten ads urging people to fix the mothers. This was a Safehaven board member, and a major contributor to the overpopulation problem in Linn County. She was feeding 25 unfixed cats. Can you believe that? She had every opportunity to get them done, through the likes of the FCCO and never did. She promised to pay me back, every month, for the cost of the fixes, until it was paid off, and never did. She lives in an extremely fancy house. She did resign from the board, which I thought was only reasonable, since she'd caused so many problems for cats out there.

Look, I don't begrudge them getting paid to help animals. Good for them. I'm upset because I work hard at helping animals and I don't get paid. There you have it.

And that they use me, for their own benefit, while they are paid and I am not, and that sucks. I get used because I'm lonely and want to fit in somewhere and people know that and I am a target for that. It's my own fault.

But they shouldn't lie, and should own up and give credit where credit is due.

A Corvallis person just called, woke me up, after 11:00 p.m. I wouldn't talk to her, refused to, told her it was rude to call so damn late and it is. She wants something from me, always, she calls when she wants something of me for free. This time it's likely the same, something for her dog or cats, something free, that I would have to pay for, so I won't even talk to her. I won't talk to anyone who calls after 11:00 p.m. For gosh sakes, that is rude. She's on disability but has a gym membership for gosh sakes. A gym membership. I told her not to ever ask me for anything free when she has a gym membership. I think that's over the top. So cancel your gym membership, lady, and then pay your own way with your pets.

I need to get meaner. I need say "no" more and I have been. I am going to cancel all fixing appointments for next week and maybe the next and unplug my phone and take away the stress by not having to deal with all the unwanted cats just in Albany, OR.

I need to pretend this is a real job, if I continue it, and set hours and stick to those hours and not go over them and take at least two days off a week. I'll pretend it's an hourly job where you watch the clock and go home when the clock strikes the magic hour. Then the phone goes off and work is done for the day with the public. I can't survive doing this unless things change.