Worn Out

I'm worn out. Dealt with too many cats in too short of time again. Stress. I hope to find placements for the nine orange tabbies left. My friend has four of them in her garage. I have five in my bathroom. I have Stinod the one-eye, in my spare bedroom recuperating. Overloaded.

I returned the Heatherdale female this morning. What a sweetheart. There are still a lot of cats to get in for fixing there. A good thing was seeing three of the cats I'd gotten fixed three years ago, lounging on a trailer porch, sporting those right eartips. Twas a good feeling to see they were still ok.

I get so attached to the cats, each one. I think about them, am sad when one is killed. It's like every cat I encounter becomes part of me, part of my family.

It's not easy sometimes, emotionally, to deal with all the abuse of animals, abandonment, suffering I see so much of. It's not easy to know the solution is right there, in front of people, yet they won't fix their cats. This creates sometimes a resentment, that I must sacrifice so much and they sacrifice nothing, to help the cats they call their own. But it is an age where people are into themselves and satisfying themselves. I think that is a part of the problem.

The other thing that creates resentment in me is people who promise things they never do. The Tattoo Prairie man said he was going to get involved, to help pay back for all the free fixes and labor he received, by going door to door, to locate unfixed cats and by building some trap cover boxes for me, to help me better trap in rain and wind. He's done neither and I'm tired of asking if he's going to do so.

The Red Linda woman has not returned my trap in about a months time that she's had it. I called finally, asking her to return it and she became angry that I would ask her, had a million excuses. Later she left a message about how rude I am for wanting it back when she's going on a trip to the coast.

Rude. Wow. How rude is it to keep a person's trap for a month and not return it? How rude is it to promise to make payments to pay back the cost of fixing all those cats (21) and not to do so? Maybe it isn't rude. Maybe it's just plain dishonest disgusting behavior.

It's very hard, day in and day out. One must develop stategies to survive. I must get enough sleep, because if I don't, then I am likely to actually talk back to these people. I try not to talk back because I want to get all the cats fixed. But the resentment and tension builds when people forsake promises and use me so badly without any guilt whatsoever. I have to bite my lip a lot. If I say anything, I am often then cussed out and a laundry list of my faults are aired to me, through intermittent cussing. This thrashing is given me by people who have received massive amounts of free labor and free spays and neuters, because, like the Red Linda colony woman, they failed to fix their cats in the first place and only called me when their own behavior created a huge mess.

I usually just walk away in the end. It's all so pointless. I have lost hope in humanity.