Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Old Butterscotch is Leaving Me

Old Butterscotch is dying. I found her laying out across a heat vent. She's laid there for days, rejecting her fluffy fuzzy yellow blanket, in her own carrier, behind the couch--her beloved sanctuary.

She perked up briefly five days ago, when I brought her some chicken hearts. She loves them and always has. But she's stumbled in the rear legs, to walk lately, and moved from the carrier to laying across the vent. I knew she was failing then.

I brought her home chicken hearts tonight. And chicken livers too. It was delusion, to think if I brought them, she'd be alive when I got home. Instead, I pulled her into my arms and held her against my own body heat. A heat vent is such a cold hard cruel piece of metal.

Butterscotch was abandoned on or near the OSU campus. Campus Security fed her. I trapped her only to find out she was already spayed. So I returned her to her life, living beneath the back porch of Fairbanks Hall and being fed by a janitor and campus security.

Four years later, I retrapped her. She'd gotten very ill after bark mulch, alive with bugs and reeking, was dumped all around the back porch of Fairbanks Hall. It made her so sick nobody thought she would live. But she did live. Campus security said they'd find her a home. They didn't. So she's been with me the last three years is it? Or has it been longer?

She almost died last December. My furnace had been shut down as dangerous, at the slum shack where I lived in Corvallis. Then I was evicted. But first, before I was evicted, I told the slumlady about the furnace fire at the bottom and how the gas company came and said it was totally blocked--a fire and carbon monoxide hazard and must be shut down.

She was very upset and said I had ruined her Christmas. Then, just to be mean, she roamed into my bathroom and saw Butterscotch inside the bathroom. She had pneumonia. I had no heat in my place and the bathroom was the only room where I could contain some heat for a very sick old gal, using a space heater.

She said the cats should stay outside and why was there a cat in my bathroom. She's known about my cats since before I moved in. She was saying this right at this time, because she was mad about the furnace, and likes taking things out through intimidation. I tried to explain that Butterscotch had pneumonia and there was no longer any heat in this shack.

She's a grinch, an evil witch, that slumlady. She didn't complain about the new toilet in the bathroom, the toilet I paid for and that I installed because the other one leaked, and the top had broken long before I moved in and replaced by a moldy rotten board. Nor did she complain about the new floor, the floor I paid for and that I put in after ripping out three moldy disgusting fluid filled layers of old vinyl and digging out the rotted boards and mold, so I could breath again in there. She didn't complain about the new doorknob on the bathroom door either, the doorknob I installed, after I came home one night to find myself locked out of the bathroom because the old disgusting nonworking knob had frozen with the lever in the closed position.

She complained about an old kitty, struggling to live, in a freezing disgusting shack this slumlady refused to maintain. An old gal abandoned like trash by someone years before. A humble old stray.

Then came the eviction, when I finally had grovelled long enough and talked back to her. I doubt hell will accept that woman. She's too evil for hell.

The move was hard on me. Harder still on the old cats. Butterscotch took it in stride. She knew as long as she was with me, she was ok.

Tonight she's leaving me. She's leaving me. Leaving me.

She's going away and I can't watch over her, can't hold her, can't tell her how beautiful she is. I can't tell her how sorry I am people treated her the way they did. I can't stop her from going. I want to. I want to.

My dear little campus nobody girl. I was one, too, you know. I was one too.

My little Butterscotch is leaving me. I miss her so already. I miss her. I love her.

35 comments :

  1. Oh Jody..that is so heartwrenching. what a precious old gal. our hearts and prayers go out to her and you. it'll be a sad week or so for sure and that's ok. it's ok to be sad and grieve and cry for days.
    she'll be playing with my old man cat pepper soon which makes me happy and so sad at the same time

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  2. Jody,
    So sorry to hear about Butterscotch. It is so tough to let them go, but you provided her a good life for her final 3+ years. Hope she returns to you in your dreams soon.
    -Mike & Linda-

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  3. Thanks Mike. I asked the vet to save her, but he very wisely said "she's come to the end of her time." It was likely kidney failure, as she had some sores on the inside of her lips. She is gone now.

    In her years with me, she was no longer lonely, cold or ever hungry. She lived amidst some character cats, whom she enjoyed, and she got her chin scratched every day. She was always warm and cherished for the last years of her life. It's a happy ending, really, a victory for the light.

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  4. oh jody...you gave butterscotch so much...she must love you as much as you love her, she knows what a wonderful person you are and no doubt the three years or more she has had with you will make up for every bad thing that has happened, you made her life good and special. give butterscotch a kiss from me...i hope tonight is a time for you to share some special memories with her xxx

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  5. We's so sorry Jody. Lotsa purrs for Butterscotch and for yoo.
    Sanjee, Boni Maroni, Mini, Gree and Pepi

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  6. Purrs Jody!!!Purrs Butterscotch.
    Go easy to the Bridge with the knowledge that you are loved.

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  7. So sorry to hear about Butterscotch. At least you were able to give her a loving and happy home the last few years of her life.
    We will all be praying for you both tonight, KC & Missy always include Aunt Jody in their purr-rays.
    Love & Purrs, ML, KC & Missy Blue Eyes

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  8. SS and I are so sorry to hear about Butterscotch. It's hard to farewell a loved one. RIP and a gentle trip across the Bridge.

    Purrs,
    MoMo

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  9. Jody were soo sorry for the pain you and butterscotch is going thru. just console yourself that she knew you love her while she is with you and thats all she needed in life to know she is loved. Our eyes are leaking for you.

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  10. You know Jody, that Butterscotch went knowing love...and now she's in a place where she won't ever be hungry, tired, hurt or alone. Those left behind are the one's that hurt, and cry and want them back.

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  11. Jody, Jody, Jody - that story ripped our heart right open again. But while Butterscotch was with you, she had a good good life! She will soon be released from this hellhole of Planet Earth that we live on and be in a better place. And you will miss her forever, but it will get better. Every time I think about Anastasia I miss her so much, I can hardly believe I will not see her in her body again - but I take great comfort in the knowledge that every day that she lived with us was a splendid day and she enjoyed every minute of her short life with us.
    A week ago she actually came back in for a while - I could feel her spirit walking in and sitting at the side of my legs as she always used to..... And yes, I cried mightily too....
    I am so very very sorry for you, if there is anything we can do to help, please let us know! We will keep you in our thoughts!!!!
    Karl's maid from The Cat Realm

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  12. Thanks to all of you for your empathy and kind thoughts.

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  13. Jody

    I am very sorry to hear about Butterscotch, please know that you gave so much comfort and love to her in her final years and that she knew...

    The Last Battle
    If it should be that I grow frail and weak
    And pain should keep me from my sleep,
    Then will you do what must be done,
    For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
    You will be sad I understand,
    But don't let grief then stay your hand,
    For on this day, more than the rest,
    Your love and friendship must stand the test.
    We have had so many happy years,
    You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
    When the time comes, please, let me go.
    Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
    Only, stay with me till the end
    And hold me firm and speak to me
    Until my eyes no longer see.
    I know in time you will agree
    It is a kindness you do to me.
    Although my tail its last has waved,
    From pain and suffering I have been saved.
    Don't grieve that it must be you
    Who has to decide this thing to do;
    We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
    Don't let your heart hold any tears.
    ~ Unknown

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  14. Here in the Big Piney Woods, we are all grieving for Butterscotch. It is so hard to loose them, but we do our best, and give them a life they wouldn't have had without our help. YOu are truly a remarkable woman and we all thank you so much for everything you do for the poor kitties, and for all the awful things life has dealt you.

    CalicoMom Toni

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  15. We just read that she died. We are very sorry, our thoughts are with you!
    Karl and the staff

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  16. I'm so very sorry you lost your sweet Butterscotch. My heart is breaking for you. Butterscotch knew you loved her a lifetime in the years you've had her. She will be warm over the Bridge, and she will be waiting for you.
    We'll be sending you lots of comforting purrs and prayers during this difficult time.

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  17. Mommy's eyes are leaking reading this. We are so sorry to hear about beloved Butterscotch.Just know that she is now somewhere warm adn happy and she is not sick anymore and that she is waiting on you. Many purrs and hugs!

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  18. You are not alone in your grief. Most of us have lost a beloved fur friend and know what you're going through.

    You gave her a good life and Butterscotch will live on in your heart.

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  19. We are so sorry to hear of the death of Butterscotch. We are happy, though that she is no longer cold or hungry. We mourn with you. We have faith that someday we all will be reunited with loved ones. You will see her again.

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  20. (tears) (hugs) (purrs) (purrrayers) we are so sorry that butterscotch is gone for a while. you will reclaim one another, though, and there will be no more sorrow for either of you!

    you are a furry great lady, an' do many good things fur many kitties, an' we loves you fur it. (nudges) (head bumps)

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  21. We are so sorry to hear that Buttercup has gone to the Rainbow Bridge. Our purrrrrs and purrayers are with you during this time. You took very good care of her and you shall be blessed for all you do.
    Your FL furiends,

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  22. I am so sorry that Butterscotch has moved on and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I am sending you lots of purrs in sympathy. It is always so hard to lose someone you love, especially when they are a furry that has been through so much! I know you and Butterscotch shared a special bond, and nothing will ever change that. You can be sure that you will be reunited someday. I am sure Butterscotch is happy and healthy and playing where she is now, and patiently waiting until she can see you again.

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  23. I'm so sorry to hear about this. My eyes are dripping all over my keyboard. You and Butterscotch are in my prayers.
    Karen C.

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  24. I am so sorry about Butterscotch!! I am holding my meezers as I write this and wishing Butterscotch a safe and painless trip to the bridge. I know it will be tough for you too. Please take care of yourself!! Think of the good times you share with this wonderful cat who I am sure has been a superb friend (better than many humans I am guessing, certainly than that mean hateful landlady!).

    My thoughts will be with that glorious kitty tonight!

    Siobhan and YY

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  25. Check out DKM's tribute to Butterscotch on the Cat Blogosphere. It's beautiful.
    Although I've already posted this, remember you gave Butterscotch the very best years of her life.

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  26. We are sorry to hear. Purrs for you and for Butterscotch. She was a very lucky cat to find someone who was caring enough to take her in.

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  27. Oh, Jody -- my heart goes out to you. Butterscotch was so lucky to have you and you were lucky to have her -- what love and friendship you two shared. Please know you are in my thoughts and MaoMao, Brainball, Dorydoo, and Marilyn are all sending you warm purrs and gentle headbonks.

    Much love,

    The Ballicus Mom.

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  28. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    ~ Bobbie and The Bunch

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  29. We are so very sorry to learn of your loss. May your good memories of Butterscotch far outweigh the nastiness of your old landlady. We hope your new place is infinitely better than the old and that your life will be filled with the love of your other kitties.

    Jemima, Zeke, Sushi, Tiger Lily & Ruckus

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  30. You kitties and people---THANK YOU for your kind words and empathy.

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  31. I just read Butterscotch's story and I'm crying. My heart goes out to you Jody. My Simone is an old girl saved to live in happiness for her last years. I am sure Butterscotch cherished every moment of her time with you. I am so sorry for your loss.
    Peach Man's Mama Julie, Peach, Simone and Scout

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  32. Sorry I'm late in replying, but I wanted to send my condolences. Your "eulogy" was extremely beautiful... you're such a great writer, and you gave Butterscotch a great life in the time you were her caretaker.

    Leigh-Ann

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  33. Leigh Ann, how are things going with you, with your housing situation?

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  34. I'm so sorry for your loss. You do amazing things for kitties and it is very much appreciated. Butterscotch appreciated it.

    -Christy, the OTMom

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  35. We are very sorry about Butterscotch, but glad she spent her last few years with you. Purrrrrrrrs.

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