Cougie is Gone

 Cougie is no longer.

I drove to the clinic this morning in the dark.  I left at 4:30 a.m. since it was a drop in appointment and they said to get there as early as possible.

Once there, before 8:00, you call one or two numbers until they answer, to check in.  This took half hour of continual calling.  However, since I was a drop in appointment, they said they would call me to come to the door with Cougie at some point after 9:00 a.m.  That time turned out to be almost 11:00 a.m.  This is a very busy clinic and they do the best they can with Covid restrictions.  You can't go in the clinic at all and sit and wait in your car and hand them your animal and they take your kitty or dog inside.

The doctor then called me and discussed what was going on and said it was probably going to be cancer.  I knew it probably was.  He said he'd do blood work, then anesthesia and look.  Cancer would likely be obvious, inside her mouth or down her throat.

He said to return around 4:00.  

I went and got some mashed potatos at Safeway and a banana, something that was on the low res diet and I also needed to use their bathroom.  Its very difficult to find public restrooms.

I went to the beach, to nap, but the jetty beach where I usually go is under heavy construction.  Still.  Area A, another beach, was blocked off, by the Coast Guard.  The blockades said there were security cameras and I thought wow, wtf is going on back in there and tried Area B, but there's no bathroom there.  

 So I gave it up and went to the Walmart parking lot and laid out my filthy sleeping bag, that has not been washed in over a year, and badly needs it, and slept in the back of my car for two hours.  I woke up twice with my own snoring from a stuffy nose.  That car needs cleaned and that sleeping bag needs the laundrymat.

The vet called then about 3:00.  Said Cougie has cancer, all down her throat, and pushing at the back of her tongue and now getting up into her sinus cavity.  He said "I don't want her to wake from anesthesia."  I gave euthanasia permission, then sat there and sobbed into my hands in the front of my car in the Walmart parking lot.

It took an hour and a half, once back at the clinic, calling over and over, maybe over 50 times, to get ahold of them inside, to bring out my trap and take my card to pay the bill.

Then I drove back home,  in the dark like on the way.

It is what it is and that trip had to be made and so long dear Cougie.