Losing It

 I'm losing it I fear.

My mind, my life.

Yesterday  I made one drive to the clinic, to pick up three cats in the afternoon, and realized I was wearing disgusting falling apart paint splattered water sandals with socks, that had holes in the heals. 

 

One end of my velcro attached knee brace had released and was hanging.

I am the person who gives sixty somethings a bad name.

I had just thrown out my other pair of sandals when the glued together pieces of the sole unglued and the bottomess part of the sole fell off.  This released the straps that hold my foot to the sandal.  Unfortunately, this happened in a public place where some young folk witnessed and felt compelled to make some unkind comments.

I can't buy clothes online.  It's such an endless endeavor.  You order them.  They come.  They don't fit.  Then comes the difficult part of returning them somehow and getting a refund.  Really?  I can't do it.  My wardrobe is suffering and minimal, down to Tshirts, very old now, I tie dyed myself, a few, a couple very old blouses, well I won't even go into my very pathetic wardrobe.

I looked into having the Costco cat food delivered as I'm almost out.  It adds $10 to each bag, to be delivered.  My gawd.  Can't do that either.

Grocery delivery, restaurant food delivery---all outlandishly expensive.  

Yeah, still trying to figure out how to survive with this bad knee.  I thought it was getting better but last night was a painful night.  The Xray explanation had a strange term on it, that I looked up-- "evulsion" I thought it was.  It was used in regards to a piece of bone on the side of my femur and that it had been pulled off when likely a ligamet tore.  Not pulled off completely though, I don't think because I saw that Xray.  Looked like still attached on one edge maybe to me which I thought was hopeful it would stay put and heal.    I don't know about the ligament or how much of it is gone.  Maybe all of its gone.  I have an MRI Tuesday at 6:30 a.m.  Tuesday it will be one day shy of two weeks since the big pop and injury, although it hurt before that nights.

I'm still living on the food two people kindly brought me 8 days ago.   And trying to figure out how to go forward since there is no way for me to shop right now unless its an in and out.   I can't stand in long check out lines.

I managed to get three cats in yesterday to be fixed.  Easy cats, ones people could pick up and bring over, to go.  I gave two of the reservations to someone else, who then agreed to drive them up yesterday morning.  I got out of the house in my car and picked them up after they were done in the afternoon and drove home with them, where others picked them up to go home.  The clutch is the problem with my bad left knee, so I haven't really ventured out now except for twice when I could no longer stand the look of these walls.

Black Albany boy kitten

Albany torti kitten spayed yesterday.

The three fixed were a girl and a boy kitten from Albany.  Their mom was fixed a couple weeks back.  The third fixed was a middle aged torti in terrible shape from Sweet Home.  I was surprised she survived surgery in fact.  I was shocked at her condition when the lady brought her, to be honest.  I gave her sub cu fluids in the bathroom Thursday night, in fact.  Her age was judged by the clinic to be 7 years and the lady had wanted her fixed because it had taken her two weeks this last time to deliver the last of her kittens dead.  I don't know how that didn't kill her.  At 7 years old, do you know how many litters that poor little girl had in her life?   I hope  the spay helps.  She survived it and the clinic told me to get her to eat before she went back.  So I was leaned against my car yesterday evening, syringe feeding her water, mixed with wet food and Karo syrup.  She was inside the car in a live trap, still lurchy from anesthesia.  I syringe fed her until she eagerly drank and ate on her own.  I cleaned her too, since she'd pooped after surgery, washing her with cool rags and paper towels, as she purred.

Lucy the old torti

I was emotional after she left.  It was hard to think of her suffering so long out there, bearing kittens dead, and struggling.  I cried and cried in the garage, sitting in a chair someone gave me that is way too small for an adult to sit in comfortably.