Home Depot Blues

I used to like going to Home Depot. But lately, I've been having trouble every time I go there. First, it was the dryer fiasco. I'd called them up when it broke down. It was only a little over a year old and they said to come in and talk to some guy who knew everything there was to know about dryers.

But when I asked for him there, he wasn't on that day. And instead, I got some guy who told me the dryer broke because I'd bought a cheap piece of crap and that's what I should expect and I needed to buy an $800 dryer. I said "But you're the one who sold me (actually my brother) that cheap piece of crap. Are you saying you don't care about your customers so you carry cheap crap that breaks down in a year?" He was very loud about it being such a cheap crap dryer and I gave up and left.

I hadn't ever intended to go back to Home Depot again. It's a store that could have the motto "The customer is always wrong!" lately. Didn't used to be so. But they have downgraded their customer service level drastically it seems.

I got paint there once. It was a woman at the desk of the paint department and boy did she go out of her way to help customers. I wish she was still there.

To avoid the Albany store employees, after the dryer incident, when I decided to paint my living room, I went to the Corvallis Home Depot. I'd found a color on Behr online, Cherry, and wanted to see the swatch. I had the number even. But the employee could not find the swatch and kept telling me the only way I could see it was if he mixed up a quart then painted a board. I could not figure that out. He said he'd do it, although it would cost the store money.

At that point, I went to the swatch display myself and easily found the color. He had said it was not in the swatch display. I showed it to him. He did not seem impressed. And I finally settled on a different color. I was very nervous at that point that he would not know how to mix it, if he could not do something as simple as locate a swatch.

I wanted a complimentary color but didn't want to get it with this guy at the helm of the paint department. Today I went to the Albany store, hoping that woman would be manning the paint department. Alas, it was a guy. And, it was the dryer guy no less. Inside I was wanting to scream, "Remember that piece of crap dryer you folks sold me that broke in a year and you said that's what I get for buying a cheap piece of crap? Remember that? I fixed the damn thing myself!" I felt like yelling that at the top of my lungs. I didn't.

I waited and waited as he helped other customers. When it was my turn, I gave him the paint color and number and told him I wanted the $16 interior enamel. I didn't know the sheen. It was Flat but I didn't remember to tell him that, just that it was $16 for a gallon. He was leaving his shift then, and gave me to another guy employee, who finally went to get the base. Then he went to help another customer. Finally, he said "We don't have that base. Sorry."

I'd been there about 40 minutes at this point and I wasn't happy. I"d spent a couple hours online choosing the right color and now they don't have it and I have to wait over half hour to find that out. But then he comes over with another swatch card. It's bright blue. He says, "Um, I'll be willing to upgrade you though, no extra charge," and he taps a bright blue color.

Inside, I was incredulous. I was shocked, angry but I also wanted to giggle uncontrollably. They're out of the Evergreen Bough, which is a deep gray green, but he'll upgrade me to a neon bright blue! No extra charge! And it'll have to be on different type of base.

I tried to leave but ran into former dryer man now paint man. I told him since he was right in my path, I was pissed to have to wait so long to find out they didn't have the color.

I really was pissed about the dryer incident. In the background, a female clerk was rolling her eyes while filing her nails. You could not ask for a more classic "clerk" scene. Of course, since the customer is always wrong, paint man said it took so long because I didn't know what sheen I wanted by name. I should have known. My fault.

I love going there in a way. I love taking abuse. I like practising trying to stand up for myself, although I failed miserably tonight. It was the shock factor I think, of the upgrade offered. From deep gray green, to bright neon blue. Threw me off my game plan. They are good with their curve balls. Boy.

I stalked out, talking to myself, cursing Home Depot's policy of blaming the customer for all ills, saying little revenge things like, "I hope the economy gets them." And, "If they go under, I'm having a party!"

I know dryer man. He wanted me once to clean up the street he lived on, of stray cats. He wanted me to take them and dump them somewhere. Instead I got them all fixed. Or most of them. I don't know if he remembers me from where he worked before, where he was never rude at all, and where he asked a favor of me, and I did it.

I can't wait until the Lowe's in Albany is built and opens. Until then, I'll sit in the parking lot and keep a watch with my binocs to see who is manning the paint desk. If it's the woman, I'll get my paint. If it's the guys, I won't.

You know who belongs manning a paint department? Women or gay guys! Testosterone doesn't go well with helping someone choose color and sheen. I'm sorry if that sounds very stereotypical. I think it's true. I think from now on I'll just have to ask, if its a guy at the paint desk counter, if they're gay. Because if they aren't gay, I'm leaving!