Calamity Jane

Calamity Jane is a character and earns her name everyday. She's into everything, thinks the world is hers and that she should run it, but is also very loving and flops across my chest nights at the end of a long day of creating havoc.

I found Calamity in a Brownsville man's garage. His garage was piled top to bottom in bags of filthy old cans and other junk. The narrow trails around the junk were littered in cat poop. There were a couple of litterboxes in the garage that were overflowing in cat poop.

Inside the house was almost worse. Dishes were piled around a horseshoe shaped counter in the large kitchen in places three feet high. A fat old dalmation wandered around dribbling diarrhea or urine or both. There were stained crusted circles of dried dog diarrhea all over the house.

The living room featured boxes upon boxes, all open, of old electronic components. This is the hallmark feature of male collectors. They always think one day they'll use those parts. Also, he had tons of old Good Samaritan Hospital plastic drinking jugs and the corrugated hard plastic straws. And plastic lids, like would be on the plastic margine container. Collectors can't get rid of lids, I've discovered. It's a big problem for collectors.

There was cat poop under a junk piled dusty kitchen table that was obviously never used except to pile junk atop it and let huge dust bunnies collect. This was a stinky house.

The man has lymphoma. Not surprising given the smell of ammonia in that house. I've known a lot of collectors that got either leukemia or lymphoma and so I wonder if there's some connection to the constant stench of ammonia they breathe.

I had thought I was going to the house to pick up three unfixed tame males. An old couple who go to his church told me he might need help fixing three males. I was horrified to find just another Linn County collector.

I spent the next four hours cleaning his kitchen while I set traps outside for the alleged males. At least the cats lived mostly outside, outside of that filth. I caught three adult females. And then I opened the garage door, and saw kittens darting off. I couldn't leave kittens in the filth of that garage, so I caught all three.

When I'd move piles of filthy moldy dishes, mice would run out from under the stack. This was one disgusting house. I thought I could fix it and him, but I couldn't. He was lonely. We talked a lot. I suppose I might be the only one who would actually enter his house.

His church friends called. Not the old couple in Harrisburg (for whom I trapped and fixed about 18 cats) but the ones who take him to chemo. I started the conversation "This man needs help here." I was quickly interupted by the woman, who just wanted me to fix her daughter's 17 cats. I was aghast at the nerve of these supposed Christians. They won't come in the house, just honk outside when they arrive to take him to doctor appointments in Corvallis for his cancer. What hypocrits. I wanted to slap them around.

I did get her daughter's 17 cats fixed.

Most of these Christian conservatives ever donate a dime in return for all the help fixing cats. It's really pathetic.

Kind of like what happened to me helping the homeless camp cats in Albany this week. The City of Albany was supposed to reimburse me the cost of Advantage, vaccines and worm meds. They didn't. I'm sending them a bill.

Then the Albany paper directed donations to cover the costs of helping these 11 homeless camp cats to SafeHaven, who only took two of the 11, and SafeHaven, apparently is refusing to share or give me any donations that came to them as a result of the paper article error. SafeHaven staff, not management, laughed about the fact they'll probably not get any donations anyhow. They're probably right.


Heartland Humane called me today. They had seen the paper article and immediately bristled to see that only two of 11 cats were going to SafeHaven and yet donations were being directed to SafeHaven. Heartland's director offered to fix the 8 cats left unfixed, two mothers and their six kittens, when they're ready free of charge at Heartland.

This was kind, and I know she offered because she knew I'd be feeling abused and used by Linn County because that was a low blow. And yet it doesn't help me greatly, because the fixes would have not cost me anything anyhow. POPPA would have paid for them. But at least it will save POPPA bucks.

Anyhow, back to Calamity's story. I kind of liked this old Brownsville collector guy with cancer and the filthy house. I went back a few times. Once, I netted another female who'd gotten inside the house. That wasn't easy. Try netting a cat when there isn't even room to move because of all the junk.

I didn't even have the gas in my car to get home the second time I went. So he gave me 12 bags full of filthy cans and I went into Junction City and turned them in at the Safeway and made enough to fill my tank and go home plus some.

Camas, Calamity's sister, got a home in Eugene with a single mom and her daughter. Willie Wonka, Calamity's brother, got a home with a nice Swedish woman right here in Corvallis. But Calamity has had no takers so far and now she's 8 months old. But she's a great cat and somebody is missing out.