Lazy Afternoon

After learning I would not have a car for another day, I walked over to the house of the person for whom I am petsitting, and promptly fell asleep on her couch.

I have not felt well for a long time, my stomach, the pain and pressure in the left side, getting worse and worse. Lsat night I couldn't eat without vomiting. I've been to the doctor about it over and over. The diagnoses have varied like night and day, none definitive or helpful.

I figure I have a tumor and my time on the planet is limited. It's the only explanation I can figure for it all. I asked the doctor last time I went in about it, "is it normal to have constant pain and pressure on my left side? Do a lot of people my age live with this problem?" The answer was vague. Whatever is going on, it is far worse, and I can't get any medical resolution. It seems so pointless anymore. Maybe I have scar tissue from the endometriosis surgery that is twisting my bowel, upon contraction, catching on things, but is there something that can be done about that?

I have normal bowel movements and still the pain and pressure and bulge. That means something is pressuring upwards against my stomach or something. Anyhow, I don't know. Tonight, again, I feel so bad, like I'm done for.

Sometimes I wonder if they left an instrument inside me during my surgery. Don't think I haven't thought that for years.