Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Cat Penis Photo

My claim to fame isn't helping a zillion billion cats get fixed, on almost no income.  It isn't going to extremes to rescue horrible abused or neglected cats or cats that are going to be killed if I leave them.  It isn't the sacrifices I endure daily, to help cats and other people out.  It isn't the hard life I had before finally finding salvation, handed me by cats I lived with along the river.

Nope.

My claim to fame is one photo.  Of a cat penis.  A very large cat penis.  Oh, I've done it now. I used that term.  On this blog.  Now I have messed you kids up on your searches for that damn photo.

Which made me think.  Why not play with that?  Why not hide that photo out and make the giggling kids searching for it do some work for it.  Like indoctrinate them into becoming spay neuterists, like me.  Fanatics.  Diehards.  We need more of me!

And fewer giggling preteens sharing a cat penis photo.  Ok, it's a great photo.

Kids, you can't see it until you've taken five cats to be spayed and neutered.

Show me the vet clinic receipts and I'll send you the photo.  No.  Wait.  I bet it's somehow illegal to do that.

I wonder how many iphones have that photo in their memory.  OMG, how many?

That got me checking search terms in the blogger stats for the day again.  I'm obsessed with checking search terms now.  Devastated the only people who seem to be finding my blog are closet pervs peeping at a cat penis.  Eeeeew.

Today's search terms that brought people to this blog are listed below. Been there.  I have searched with google and a couple of words and ended up on another planet!  But there it is, down there at number 8 listed, again today, like everyday:  "cat penis".



cat wheel
3
fat presidents in a tux
2
spay scar
2
abandoned boats for sale
1
brown spots on osb subfloor
1
cat conjunctivitis
1
cat has tail cut off
1
cat penis
1
common feline eye problems
1
diy window shelf for cats

I will write a short story daily now, and include all the search terms used that end people up on my little cat penis photo blog.  Here is today's:  


Out on the diy window shelf for cats, stood Bobby, the newly minted manx, a cat who has a tail cut off, you see, but by a vet after it was run over.  It had been broken badly when Bobby was being chased by a fat president in a tux, driving insanely the same road along which Bobby had just been dumped, by a nasty alcoholic.  Abandoned! Boats for sale along the opposite side of the road offered some protection from the heavy traffic.  Bobby, frightened and in despair, had darted across the road to seek shelter beneath those boats when he was hit.
  The man who hit him, arrogant and puffy, president of a local hoity toit guild of some design or another, was driving away from an ugly scene.  The house, where he had been giving a speech, (and drinking heavily) had suffered a noxious party accident, when members of the presidents party began vomiting violently when the presidents wife, drunk on moonshine, suddenly hoisted up her shirt to show off her spay scar, proclaiming her inability to spawn children of the devil himself, as she put it, ever so loudly.  The fat woman's scarred bulbous belly was so disgusting it prompted the vomit reaction by first one, then another and another member of the presidents fan club and staff, and reached through the carpet of the party mansion and was said to have left brown spots on the osb subfloor.

I found Bobby under the boats, taking shelter there myself.  He was suffering also from common feline eye problems.  Cat conjunctivitis is easily treated and sometimes seems caused just be being sad too long.  So I built Bobby a window shelf and cat wheel to play on.  Bobby is happy now.  So am I.

So that is today's search term story, all included, for your searching delight. Except for the search term: Cat Penis!  Ha!  I hope I pleased EVERYONE on earth, except the CAT PENIS PHOTO searchers.  Go giggle yourself silly!  But first fix some cats.  Thank you and good night.

Ok, so maybe that is the only legacy I leave this earth.  I've come to terms.  I'm good with it.  

 It IS the best cat penis photo ever taken!   

It is glorious.  And I took it!  I am responsible.  

I was a cat woman.  I rescued thousands upon thousands of cats despite living on almost nothing.  I got thousands more fixed.

But my claim to fame is a photo.  Of a cat penis.  A very very large cat penis.

I'm good with it.

And then, there's this......

1 comment:

Chriss Pagani said...

Ick. But seriously, I never look at my "stats" ...ever. I don't know why. I'm kind of curious now, what searches might bring people to one of my blogs. On the other hand, do I really want to know? Maybe Google needs some fixing. It sounds like you're putting this knowledge to good use, though. :)