Went to the Doctor

I haven't been to see my PCP in maybe three years. It's a fast food type office setting. You're in and you're out so fast you can't figure out what just happened.

That's why I quit going.

But, under review for SSI, I was scared since I've not been to a shrink in over ten years and my disability was mental. That's because of all the abuse I endured in the system. They wanted medical records for the review only of the last 12 months, which in my mind, makes it highly likely I'll soon be laying my blankets under a bridge somewhere.

What to do? Where to turn?

I turned to someone I knew ten years ago, when I lived in Corvallis who is now the director of the health department in Benton County. I asked him for help.

He set me up with a nurse practitioner at their clinic there. Today I saw her. If the review goes further, she said, then I have them contact her. I have a medical record again. She revised my old mishmash of psyche diagnoses, which were enshrined on me for life by this and that whomever, even by caseworkers who didn't like me.

She put me down rightfully as PTSD.

She was really nice, too. So I switched to her and that clinic for primary care, since I have no connection to the Samaritan clinic I used, other than some rather traumatic ones.

There were good people up there, don't get me wrong.

Since I'm scared of doctors, my BP was high when I first went in, but it went down nicely after 15 minutes or so.

She told me if I have no issues, I should make an appointment in a year and a half or so. I like that.

I had re-read the review paperwork which calmed me down some. They said once a person is older, they consider things like physical problems and the likelihood a person of a certain age might find work. That made me feel more at ease. It'd be really tough on me to suddenly move to zero income and also lose my place to live. I know lots of people are facing that now though, so if it happens to me, I have no cause for outrage, although it would make me very sad and worried.

I had been meaning to find a new doctor but it's really a very terrible thought to me, to do such a search. I mean, that's really personal and it's stressful to go looking and not finding. Still have no dentist.

This clinic is pretty laid back and decent. I was so relieved, to be set with someone I can see and feel comfortable seeing, should I need it.

So now I have a doctor. How do you like that.

And...I need to lose at least 36 pounds. I don't have a scale. I was actually really happy I didn't weigh more than that scale said today.