Sunday, July 18, 2010

Note to Self: Lighten Up!

I'm grumpy lately. Just overwhelmed, is all. Then, the more animal abuse, neglect and abandonment I see, the more distraught I get.

I can only do what I can do. I need to relax and realize this once again.

I've had this tooth thing going on. First, an age old filling fell out. I finally got it replaced, but, now I can't close my mouth properly or even chew because the filling is high on the inside, and one bottom tooth hits the high spot preventing all my other teeth from clamping together, to chew. Food falls out of my mouth when I try and my jaw is all disjointed as a result.

I do have a call in to the dentist. Just needs some shaving off on the inside, is all, but boy, that little high spot has thrown me for a loop. However, it is great for my weight loss program and maybe I should put off getting it fixed for a couple weeks. I'd be gorgeous!

I have it pretty good. I have a place to live. I don't even have to go out and help cats, I just do it, because somebody needs to and most people can't, either because they work or because they can't take the abuse by people or seeing so much animal neglect. It isn't something most people can do. Maybe I am getting to a point where I can't do it anymore. Knowing that line might be a good thing.

The new neighbors are raising a lot of ire around here. They are kind of scary, cruising around at night on those black bikes. I mean, that's what car clouters do and house burglars. Then working on various cars half the night in the driveway and parking excess vehicles all over, they're not making any friends. In fact, they're making people buy more locks and security cameras. I wonder if they know how nervous they are making people, with their behavior. Maybe I should tell them. People can change. It happens.

My stomach has been acting out badly so I have to have a test done. I hope everything's ok, but it isn't ok. I don't know what is wrong but something is wrong and has been for a long time.

So I'm not so ok lately, and having all these kittens here, is difficult, especially when I don't know how I'll find them homes. Or even how I'll get them all fixed. I try to stay positive. Now and then too much stress kicks in over too long of hours and too many horrible things. I don't seem to meet nice people, just people who don't fix their animals and then the situations are terrible, with great suffering and it hurts my soul to witness so much.

I keep wondering why people don't seem to care. But it's senseless to wonder that, does no good. It's just the way things are. The only thing I might be able to change is to help the cats get fixed and that's it. I can't make people care about anything.

When I have medical problems, I get a desperation to me. I think, if I die, did I really do anything much at all to make things better and shouldn't I have accomplished bigger changes. I can't help thinking that when I think about me dying. Why didn't I do more, I think, why didn't I come up with a big idea that could really have changed the world for cats and make a huge dent in the feline overpopulation problem.

Life is precious and zips by quickly. No time to tarry on things I might want to accomplish because death's big old anvil is up there, hovering above, ready to fall any second in the dark and squish me into a splotch on the sidewalk of life.

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